I must start off to say that I am very pleasantly surprised consecutively by the answers to questions here and there.
To start off, I will tell you a little bit about myself. I recently returned home from my mission, have been on a few dates here and there and started steady dating a friend of mine that I have know for quite some time. To be totally honest, she is a really special girl, someone I can be totally honest around, and has the best standards out of all the previous girlfriends I have had in the past.
As for the question, I have seen so many of my friends, RM friends, any friends, that once they get into a relationship they just tend to throw kisses away left and right like it means nothing. For me personally I just can't bring myself to do that and feel like a kiss means something more than just liking someone and that it should have more specialness attached to it.
Now obviously I have only really been steady dating this friend for a couple weeks, but my question is, if the relationship were to continue to progress and what not, what kind of time frame do you think there is for kissing, and how do you make the kiss a special experience without making the girl feel like that is all there is to the relationship?
I am not in the relationship for the kissing, cuddling, hugging, etc, but for the aspect of having someone beside you as a best friend, however at the same time I do acknowledge that these kinds of things DO come in the process, otherwise there probably wouldn't be any chemistry to get the relationship moving.
Well, I hope my question made sense,
Fresh RM
Dear RM,
Thank you (I think).
For many, a Kiss means a Commitment . . . there’s nothing wrong with that. I think many in the world today give away affection to soon.
But I also believe that Kisses are like “I Love You”s; there’s no limit to how many one can give out in a life time. You don’t hit a magic cut-off number one day and say :
“Sorry, honey, I’m all out. Used them up as a college student. Here’s a handshake, hope you understand the sentiment”.
I don’t think I’ll define a PDA Timetable, but I will say that I hope for your sake, and the sake of this girl you’re dating, that coupled with your Noble Intentions you have a Strong Desire to kiss her . . . even if you don’t act on it for a little while longer.
If you want your First Kiss as a couple to be something special, you could plan a romantic situation (like strolling through a moonlit park) or pick a special location (the place you were when you first realized how much you like her), but BEWARE! The more “Special” you make it, the more likely it will be to become an over-inflated moment, taking on more importance than it should, especially if you soon after realize you need to get out of this relationship.
I very clearly remember my first kiss with Sister Jo. The moment was special, not the location. It was spontaneous, not contrived or planned. In fact, I’d “planned” to not kiss her for several more dates . . . but I couldn’t help it; she was just so gosh-darned cute!
Typically I recommend saving kissing until the third date or a little later at your age, but I don’t think you plan these things, I think they just happen. (YM/YW shouldn't feel pressure to Kiss at all, and Single Adults over 30 should probably do a little smooching 3rd date or sonner)
If you get to the point where you’ve been Exclusively Dating for a couple months and you’ve yet to kiss at all, in my book that’s a Big Red Flag. You may both be timid, but any dating relationship between two marriage-age people that far into the romance needs to have a little passion, or, at the very least, demonstrated caring.
You’re wise to recognize the more important things that come with marriage. I’ll confess: Sister Jo is now, and has always been, a very beautiful woman (and I really like kissing her!) but there’s so much more to our relationship. I’d give up kissing her before I’d choose not to talk to her. I need to talk to her every day.
But Chemistry isn’t what gets a relationship moving, it’s what grows naturally out of a relationship. You don’t kiss your Girlfriend because you want to take the relationship to the next logical level, Spock, you kiss her because the time in your life is right, you can’t help kissing her, and (let’s face it) kissing is great!
Thank you (I think).
For many, a Kiss means a Commitment . . . there’s nothing wrong with that. I think many in the world today give away affection to soon.
But I also believe that Kisses are like “I Love You”s; there’s no limit to how many one can give out in a life time. You don’t hit a magic cut-off number one day and say :
“Sorry, honey, I’m all out. Used them up as a college student. Here’s a handshake, hope you understand the sentiment”.
I don’t think I’ll define a PDA Timetable, but I will say that I hope for your sake, and the sake of this girl you’re dating, that coupled with your Noble Intentions you have a Strong Desire to kiss her . . . even if you don’t act on it for a little while longer.
If you want your First Kiss as a couple to be something special, you could plan a romantic situation (like strolling through a moonlit park) or pick a special location (the place you were when you first realized how much you like her), but BEWARE! The more “Special” you make it, the more likely it will be to become an over-inflated moment, taking on more importance than it should, especially if you soon after realize you need to get out of this relationship.
I very clearly remember my first kiss with Sister Jo. The moment was special, not the location. It was spontaneous, not contrived or planned. In fact, I’d “planned” to not kiss her for several more dates . . . but I couldn’t help it; she was just so gosh-darned cute!
Typically I recommend saving kissing until the third date or a little later at your age, but I don’t think you plan these things, I think they just happen. (YM/YW shouldn't feel pressure to Kiss at all, and Single Adults over 30 should probably do a little smooching 3rd date or sonner)
If you get to the point where you’ve been Exclusively Dating for a couple months and you’ve yet to kiss at all, in my book that’s a Big Red Flag. You may both be timid, but any dating relationship between two marriage-age people that far into the romance needs to have a little passion, or, at the very least, demonstrated caring.
You’re wise to recognize the more important things that come with marriage. I’ll confess: Sister Jo is now, and has always been, a very beautiful woman (and I really like kissing her!) but there’s so much more to our relationship. I’d give up kissing her before I’d choose not to talk to her. I need to talk to her every day.
But Chemistry isn’t what gets a relationship moving, it’s what grows naturally out of a relationship. You don’t kiss your Girlfriend because you want to take the relationship to the next logical level, Spock, you kiss her because the time in your life is right, you can’t help kissing her, and (let’s face it) kissing is great!
Your question made sense, but for you and the other Not Very Experienced RMs out there, let me also answer the unasked question . . .
When you feel so inspired, take the advice from Hitch from the movie of the same name, go 90% of the way. Keep your eyes looking at hers until you’re about 85% there, then lean in and close them as you close the distance to 90%. She’ll either kiss you or run away. Either way, you’ll know where she stands.
- Bro Jo
When you feel so inspired, take the advice from Hitch from the movie of the same name, go 90% of the way. Keep your eyes looking at hers until you’re about 85% there, then lean in and close them as you close the distance to 90%. She’ll either kiss you or run away. Either way, you’ll know where she stands.
- Bro Jo
We all want our first kiss to be special. And the longer it takes to happen the more pressure for it to be special there is.
ReplyDeleteSo for YSA women who didn't get any smooches in High School. How do you know if it's right to let a guy kiss you?
Or is it an in the moment thing you'll just know?
I think you're making too much out of this. It's special simply because it's a first kiss.
ReplyDeleteYou'll know in the moment, but don't make the moment out to be too much of a monument.
- Bro Jo
I had my first kiss about a month ago. I was 18. It was awesome and everything I wanted. I just knew when it was the right moment and then it just happened. Don't stress about it too much ;) your time will come!
ReplyDeleteI'm a YSA girl who didn't get kissed in high school and just had her first kiss about 2 months ago. As I was going on dates with this guy getting to know him better, he knew he wanted to start dating exclusively and I was getting to that point. Every time we would say good-bye, we would hug and I was absolutely terrified about kissing him. We kissed the night we decided to start dating exclusively. Later on, I told him that he was my first kiss which I thought would be a total surprise to him. However he told me he was already pretty sure of that since I hadn't seriously dated anyone yet. I then found out that he won't kiss a girl unless they are exclusively dating. So all of the freaking out and worrying and being scared was for nothing! The kiss happened when it was right for both of us. It honestly wasn't nearly as spectacular as the movies make it out to be, and I felt kind of silly afterwards because I think I had been expecting something earth-shattering. But it was still special because it was our first kiss, start of a relationship, and more kisses that have been even more special than the first because we've grown in how much we care about each other.
ReplyDeleteThanks! It's good to know I shouldn't worry about it. When it happens it happens.
ReplyDelete