Is it OK to Date Non-members?

Dear Brother Jo,

I have already asked you for advice, and I don't know if I get to ask you again. You seem really busy. I emailed you previously about how confused I was that I wasn't getting any dates. I started flirting more (which stresses me out immensely, but I figure it's for a good cause), but...

I have moved to California this summer to pursue a career opportunity, and I have not gone on a date with a single LDS young man (I'm still dateless since last October). I go to FHE, institute and many of the activities in my singles ward here, but I don't attract any attention. I still don't know why. Maybe I seem too career-oriented? Maybe I'm not attractive enough? Maybe my voice is whiny and squeaky? Maybe my testimony seems to shaky? Maybe the young men instinctively know I can't cook?

I am having no problem getting attention from men of other faiths, and have been here long enough that I'm getting asked out by coworkers and neighbors. I feel kind of lost. Why aren't I attracting LDS men? I dress modestly, I think (being a temple-worthy RM tends to do that). The young men I attract still have high morals. I'm afraid to go out with them because I don't want to become too attached, but I don't want to spend every Friday night by myself either.

What am I supposed to do? If I start dating men of other faiths, the LDS young men that I've unknowingly attracted won't ask me out, but brushing off the non-LDS guys in hopes that someday a righteous LDS man will ask me out (which seems more and more unlikely) doesn't seem like a good plan either.

:(

- Wanting to Go Out


Dear Wanting,

It's a great letter, and you can write as much as you like.

It's OK to date non-LDS guys, just don't do anything that keeps you from being Temple Worthy. If you're concerned that's an issue, don't go on the date. Still hold the non-Mormons to the Dating Standards (Plan, Pick Up, Pay), and as an RM you should recognize these as Missionary Opportunities.

Don't get serious about any guy that isn't Temple Ready. If you fall for a non-member, be sure to give him the "I'm only getting married in the Temple" lecture (did I ever tell you that's what Sister Jo did with me?).

I doubt it's that you're not attractive to LDS guys, it's more likely that the guys in your area are too (I want to say "lame", but instead I'll say) "shy" for their own good. Talk to your Bishop about it.

And maybe use your new and improving Flirting Skills to put an LDS guy or two on the spot. A little pressure can be good.

"So, what's your deal? When are you finally going to man-up and ask me out?"

or, if you're feeling particularly bold

"Tell me, Brother, how do you expect to find a wife if you're too shy to take girls out? I'm free this Friday, here's my number. You look like a smart guy; call me."

Trust me. This stuff works.

And keep going to your Church Meetings and Activities! No one will find you if you're never there to be found.

- Bro Jo

(Readers, check out the Facebook Fan Page for more helpful tips. The Notes and Discussion Pages are filled with things like:

"Bro Jo's TEN WAYS To INCREASE The CHANCES A GUY WILL ACTUALLY CALL",

"Bro Jo's LIST of STUFF YOUNG GUYS CAN ASK GIRLS WHILE DANCING"

"Bro Jo's THINGS GUYS CAN DO TO MAKE THEMSELVES MORE ATTRACTIVE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX"

"HOW a GIRL CAN GET A BOY'S ATTENTION"

and much more. Check it out!)