I'm a 17 year old young woman with, I guess I'll just spit it out, NO dating experience whatsoever.
No young man has ever shown an interest in me before except for young men that, to be completely honest, are WAY CREEPY! Now I'm a fairly outgoing person, I get along with everyone and I've had some Sisters in my ward come up to me and ask me to marry their missionary sons returning home (they were only joking!...I hope...).
I hold the Church very high up there and have a strong testimony and yet...there is no knocking on my door. I'm definitely not the kind of person who asks a guy out on a date, and apparently I'm not the kind of girl that gets asked out on a date. I'm not expecting a boyfriend or anything.
The sad thing is, EVERYONE in my ward knows that I haven't dated. The Young Men tease me about it (mostly just teasing. I mean they are boys) and even my Young Womens leaders point it out sometimes (not in a rude way) during the dating lessons. I just feel like something's wrong with me the reason no one has asked me on a single date. I'm not a socially awkward person. I go to most of the Church dances and all of the Stake activities.
My friends have tried to convince me that the Young Men are just scared of me because I'm so confident blah blah blah and I know I shouldn't be worrying about this but I do. It's not like I'm a hag either. I'm decently attractive! It's not like I reek of garlic! It just hurts when all my friends are talking about their weekend dates and I think of the movie marathon awaiting me Friday and Saturday night. It drains my self-confidence just thinking about it. And we both know that it's easier to get rid of self-confidence than it is to replenish it.
I just hate being alone all the time because my friends are busy with their own dating lives. I know you're the advice guy so have at it advice guy because I REALLY need it.
Confused and Lonely
Dear Lonely,
I hear ya.
But know this: some of the most attractive, best Future Spouse Young Women I've ever met dated little or not at all in High School (and this includes Sister Jo - who, let's face it, is H-O-T, and a heck of a wife), so your leaders are right, you really shouldn't worry about it all that much.
I understand that may not bring much comfort, particularly with some of the insensitivity you're having to deal with from some of your Church peers (sorry about that, but at the very least I hope you learn not to be that kind of person - and teach your kids too). I'm a much ornerier person than you are, so every time somebody said something I'd take the opportunity to turn it around on them.
With guys I'd say "Well, smarty pants, you have more control over that than I do. If you're a decent guy you'll stop picking on me and finally get the courage to ask me out."
And I'd tell the girls "That's great you had such a good time. Sadly I don't have any friends who are nice enough to suggest that I be included on their Group Dates."
To soften that, if you want, you can follow it with a smile and a wink, letting them off the hook a little.
I think we do ourselves and the people around us a spiritual disservice when we allow them to get away with teasing us and others.
- Bro Jo
“Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...” :) loved this quote, thought I'd share.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome quote! I am saving that one.
ReplyDeleteBro Jo is right, it doesn't hurt to flirt a little now and then... be assertive! :)
I am so sorry about the boys in your ward. But something to realize is--boys are clueless when they are young!! Especially when they haven't gone on a mission yet! One time in high school, a really awkward guy from my ward saw me in the library and said, "Hey, ugly! Come sit by me!" I was angry, and he admitted it was stupid. But he also admitted that he didn't know how to flirt, and that was his way of 'flirting'--by teasing.
Don't worry about going on dates, hun! I look back on my experiences and I truly wish I spent more time with my girlfriends in high school. Those were the most FUN and memoriable experiences(compared to the uncomfortable dating that awkward young men try and do).
Getting to know and becoming friends with the young men in a healthy environment (mutual, seminary, game nights, etc) is far more valuable than going on formal dates. And its more fun, too!