Dear Bro Jo,
I'm fourteen, turning 15 two months and I’m crushing on the stake president's son. He's a really cool guy and he's really nice, but the problem is that he turns 16 TOMORROW and I don't know what to do. As is stereotypical around my area, the authority's sons are always the hottest and all the girls go for them. I know that "Person" will have girls all over him, but i really want to impress him. And I know if I were only a year older I wouldn't have to worry because we have a lot in common, and I do mean A LOT. What should I do about my whole predicament?
Thanks so much!
-Crushed By Age
Dear Crushed,
The best thing you can do at this point is . . . (wait for it) . . . (wait for it) . . .
Be Nice, but not Too Nice. You want to be friendly, but you don't want him thinking of you as a Little Sister or a Pal.
I probably need to clarify the "not Too Nice" . . .
I'm not giving you license to be snotty, and while I think a little flirting is Good and Healthy, I'm certainly not advocating that you become slutty or aggressive. What I'm saying is Be Careful not to get caught in what Sister Jo calls "the Buddy Trap" (my classmates and I always called it "the Friend Zone"). Sister Jo says that a little mystery is a very good idea; that'll be tough because you like him so much and you want to be around him all the time. If you give in to that impulse to much or too often you'll either smother him or find him placing you on reserve.
How does a girl know if she's wandered to far into the Buddy Trap?
He starts talking to you about other girls.
When that happens, Get Out!
I always advocate being blunt, so I suggest something like "Let me stop you for a second; just exactly why do you think I want to hear about you and other girls???" And, if you're courageous enough, you'll add "Let me give you a piece of advice: no girl wants a boy she likes to talk to her about the competition". Follow that with a wink, arm touch, or smile and then Walk . . . A . . . Way.
Pull that off and he'll have to have the fishhook surgically removed lest you real him in.
Fourteen months from now you'll be old enough for him to date; for now you should just be you: the nice, understanding, not-yet-available-for-him-to-date-no-matter-how-much-he-may-want-to Young Woman of Virtue and Value that you are.
Sure, he may (and should) date other girls. Sorry. That's just a fact of life.
Look at it this way: in a very short time you'll be old enough, and hopefully by then he'll be a better dater and better prepared to appreciate dates with you.
And, because I sense you may need to be reminded, No Boyfriends or Exclusive Dating until you graduate!
Lastly, even though I don't believe that girls need more ammunition than the Good Lord has blessed them with, here's a quick list:
"Bro Jo's THINGS GIRLS CAN BE to IMPRESS GUYS"
Be Modest. Yes, guys notice girls who are immodest but trust me, it's better to have him impressed than to picture you undressed. Dress up, too; wear nice clothing (clean, pretty, well kept).
Be Clever. In conversation, in action. I dated more than a few girls that were pretty but . . . well . . . dumb (or at least they acted dumb); it's a huge turn off. Sister Jo is and has always been a knock out, but I married her because she's smart.
Be Clean. Smell is big for guys (girls, too, so I've been told). Shower as needed, and if you want to go that extra step, find some of that good smelling lotion or hair stuff. And, not just smell, but be clean in speech and thought, too.
Be Respected. Do what's right, hold to your standards, and respect yourself. Not to be premature, but you need to know this eventually: No Man Can Love a Woman He Doesn't Respect. You can take that to the bank.
Be Positive. No one likes a downer. Always look for the bright spot in things. Laugh. Smile. Lift the Spirits of those around you.
That's probably enough for now. We don't want you driving him TOO crazy . . .
- Bro Jo
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