There's This Missionary . . .

Dear Bro Jo!

I don't think I have ever been so Frustrated in my whole life!

I've Been reading your Blog for probably just over a year but I never actually thought I would need to Email you.

Here I am.

My problem is one I swore to myself that I would never have!

I can almost not even bring myself to say it but...

There's this missionary... (I can just hear you sighing "not another one") but yes... and i think i more than just have some stupid girly Crush on him. I'm the YSA Rep for my branch and he called one night to ask me about one of the less active members but I’m sure that before he
called he knew that I had feelings for him. anyway after the conversation ended he called up someone that I’m really close to. He asked her how I felt about him and if I liked his spiritual side and stuff like that. she asked him if he had feelings for me and he said "I can't tell you that because I’m a missionary" which I think is a huge cop out since as a missionary he shouldn't even have had that conversation with her about me in the first place.

When I was called as YSA rep I was given a blessing that I would find my husband soon... and that really freaked me out since I know every YSA Male in This country (yes Ireland is seriously lacking) and the thought of marrying any of them or getting married at all pretty much freaked the life out of me.

I hate thinking about marrying a missionary because well... he's a missionary...
plus the fact that he now knows about all my feelings and I get to know NOTHING because he's a missionary. don't get me wrong... I'd rather never have met him than stop him from being a good missionary but it is pretty frustrating.

I feel stupid because I would probably do anything for him and although I’m almost sure he would do the same I could just be some joke to him, I’m sure he's not that kind of person but missionaries are totally different people when they go home, right?

I just don't know what to do? I guess you'll probably tell me something like " wait till he gets home in 8 months and then see what happens because him serving the lord is more important than validating your feelings"

Am I Right?


From Seriously Frustrated


Dear Seriously!


Yup.

That's exactly what I'll say (you HAVE been reading!).

(nice email address, by the way)

The reality is that IF this missionary is doing what he's supposed to be doing he won't call, he won't see you alone, he can't write to you when he transfers (and you're not supposed to write him, either) so, unless you guys break the rules (which of course means we'd be talking about a guy who ISN'T doing what he's supposed to do) nothing can happen at all for 8 months.

You should also be asking yourself the question of whether or not you're the only girl. Was he like this with anyone in his last area? Will he fall for someone in his next area? Is having a "platonic girlfriend" the way this particular missionary copes with the lack of female companionship while he serves?

All of those things are possible.

And there's no way for you to know.

The guy needs to be off-limits. (Is it possible that the "safety" of this "relationship" is one of the things that makes it attractive to you? Are you more comfortable because you believe nothing can happen?)

So . . . what if he really is someone who would make a great spouse for you? (Notice I didn't say "THE guy for you" - I don't believe in just one guy for one girl - despite what I told Sister Jo when we were dating.) Is that possible?

Sure.

But improbable.

As we both said, he's totally off limits for 8 months, then he'll head home, where I Promise he's an at least slightly different guy than you've met. Once there he'll likely be dealing with school, family, girls he knew before the mission, and new ones. IF he comes right back to see and date you, well at best that's a little weird. So the best thing for him to do would be to write to you. As pen pals you'll get to know each other better, perhaps deciding there's something, perhaps not.

There's the possibility you could move to where he'll be, perhaps in school. But that's a pretty big and possibly expensive sacrifice to make, especially if things don't work out . . .

Just as it would be a huge gamble for him to move back to where you are post-mission in hopes that there really is something between you.

Sure, I know it happens all the time, and yeah, I know several couple that ended up happily and eternally married after starting that way. If it happens, it happens. But I don't recommend it.

I'm sure he's got your address.

All you can (should) do now is:

a) don't be alone with him while he's there
b) don't contact him once he leaves
c) report him if he contacts you in an inappropriate way before he's released
d) wait to see if you hear from him after he gets home
e) don't put your life, especially your dating life, on hold hoping for something that may or may not ever happen

So . . . Yup. Pretty much what you thought I'd say.

- Bro Jo