I am new to your site, and thought I would try it out, as I have a dilemma. As you are probably aware, the church does dances for youth 14 and older. Since I am 14, I am new to these dances. I have been to a few dances before and I love them all. My young womens leaders offer to do hair and makeup. (I always look like a princess:) I get to be with some of my girlfriends and dance with boys. Couldn't get much better, right?
Wrong. Of my girlfriends, I am not the most athletic, the skinniest, the most talented, the smartest, I am kind of a dud. (And don't get me wrong, I am not blaming my lack of "boy magnetism" on my friends.) Each of those girls got asked more than 5 times by boys to dance. I got asked once. I tried asking a boy, and he declined, so I gave up after that. There were a lot of songs where all of them were asked, and I wasn't, so I was just left alone on the dance floor like a girl without friends, and boys would not want to dance with me even more. And during the fast song
I guess what I'm asking is how do I get a boy to ask me instead of going through the awkwardness of me asking him? If there is no way, then how do I ask him without the awkwardness?
- The Lone Dancer
Thanks for checking it out - it's still pretty new - we hit the one-year anniversary on February 1st - 10,000 regular readers so far!
Check out the Facebook Fansite, too, for more great stuff.
Every girl has something beautiful about her; that's a promise. Even you (and I'll bet it's more than one thing).
But each of us can do better with what we've been given, too. Check out "Bro Jo's HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY'S ATTENTION" for some things that you may want to try.
But remember, too, that one of the most attractive things about anyone is confidence. I know that right now that may not give you much consolation, but the truth is my young friend that you have Divine Nature and Individual Worth (sound familiar?) and as a Daughter of God you've been given Gifts and Talents. Discover those and magnify them!
As you become more confident in your talents, and more confident in sharing them, others will find you more and more attractive.
I promise you're not a dud!
Give yourself time to blossom into the glorious person you are meant to be!
- Bro Jo
PS - I should also point out that not getting asked to dance at dances by guys is THEIR fault (and the fault of their YM Leaders and Fathers - and you can tell those brethren I said so) not yours.
There's not much you can do about that, except to realize that the cowardice or lack of chivalry of boys is not a reflection on your beauty.
I'm doing what I can to fix that from here. Just do me a favor and teach your boys, when the time comes, that Good Guys ask girls to dance, and the Really Good Guys include those girls who don't get asked often.
This is so true! I remember going to Youth dances and spending the whole night not being asked. There are so many Young Bretheren, (and Sisteren) who go to the dances simply because their parents forced them to.
ReplyDeleteNote to leaders: I think that cheesy dance games are a great idea. I think the funniest one I ever did was taking one shoe off and tossing it in the middle of the room. Young Men then had to go find a shoe and pair it up with the Young Lady that it belonged to. I had a guy tell me once that he picked my shoe because it was so original, and he hoped that I would be just as interesting! (I always tried to wear interesting looking shoes to dances after that)
Dance games where young men draw a young woman's name are great. It gives them the little push to go ask someone they may never have asked on their own.
Youth leaders should be making it a priority that the youth are all dancing, instead of sitting at tables (I tried to plan a dance once where there were no tables or chairs, the stake YW/YM Presidency wouldn't have it for some reason). These activities are called "Dances" for a reason, tehy're not called Sit and Chats!
Don't worry LD, like the brother said, you'll bloom soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI was like you once. All of the girls seemed "better" somehow. Usually in weight and likability. I thought, "How could any guy even look at me when there was all this beauty and talent around me in my peers?"
It took a few dates and realizing that I can only be the best person that I can be through work and trial. Instead of spending energy comparing and worrying, spend it in positive investments on yourself.
I won't lie, sometimes it takes a while for things to get moving. I didn't start feeling attractive or dating until college. But it's worth the wait, trust me :D
Don't worry JD, like the brother said, you'll bloom soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI was like you once, from experience I can tell you it's a lot better investing your energy on your own talents and goals than on worrying and comparing people.
I live by that quote from Mulan, "The flower, that blooms in adversity, is the most rare and beautiful of all." I kinda like to change it up to say, "The flower that blooms late, is the most rare and beautiful of all." I think its because girls like us are so humbled when we're young that its harder for us to become selfish and vain when we're older. Those kind of attitudes leave their mark on people. Just saying.