Even the Best Girls Stay Home

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a lot of friends (both guys and girls and although I hate the word, I'd say that I'm popular [you'll probably give me flack for saying that]), and people tell me all the time that I'm really fun and chill to be around. People also say that I am a good listener. I've had a lot of people say that they are jealous of how outgoing, confident, friendly and funny that I am. I'm really involved in my school and community-Student Body President, National Honor Society, the two best bands in my high school, and a leadership program in my community.

I am a debater who has placed at state and have been on varsity tennis since freshman year. I wear nice clothes and take care of myself. I am very active in church, rarely missing a Stake or ward activity. My seminary teacher says that I am her favorite student even though she says she shouldn't have favorites. I have some REALLY good friends in my stake, and hang out with them as much as possible. I've had guys tell me I'm pretty and that they enjoy hanging out with me. I think that high school relationships are really stupid and most of my close friends know that, but I would love to just go on dates with boys.

I haven't been asked on a date--ever not even before I turned 16 (I live in a semi-rural area where this happens a lot). I turned 16 in July. I realize this is 6 months...but no guys have ever even told me they liked me. :[ The biggest problem I see is that I am overweight, probably 30 pounds. It is a problem I am working on--I was 25+ lbs heavier in 8th grade. I understand that fat is not attractive at all...but can guys really not see past that? Can you tell by what I said if there anything else wrong with me that is scaring away the boys? I really want to know. I don't want to have my first date in college...or never!

-Dateless in Montana


Dear Dateless,

I apologize for just now replying to your letter. The truth is that I thought I'd already replied. I'm not certain if I have, or if the letter just seems so familiar . . .

Even in our superficial world, simply being "fat" is not a deal-breaker. Sure, it's a good idea to keep working out and eating right and doing your best to take care of the body the Good Lord has sent you to occupy, so don't stop doing what you're doing about the weight. Don't do anything dangerous or dumb, like going out and getting yourself an eating disorder (seriously, if you find your self battling that, please, by all means, go get some help right away - I've had more than one friend anorexia themselves into the hospital - bad stuff), but working out and eating good food is brilliant.

But, while most guys your age won't see past the body, many will.

So, I have to ask, is it the guys that are being superficial, or is it you? Is it really that no one finds you pretty, or is it that you're not attracted to the guys that like you?

If you really are all that you say you are, then that leaves us with a) you're not nice, b) you're too judgmental of others, thinking you're too good for many of them, c) you project a lot of negativity (people like to be around - and that includes dates - others that are up-beat and fun and positive), or d) the guys in your area are cowards.

OK, all levity aside, it may be a bit of all of the above, but I'd lean towards D. I understand that girls want to go out (well . . . at least some of you), and I'm trying the best I can to help all of you from here, but if it doesn't happen right now for you, frustrating as it may be, just relax. Keep doing all the wonderful things you're doing.

Be Happy. Be Positive. And Be You.

Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that your value is somehow tied to the attention that boys give you. You can't fret the things over which you have no control.

Check out a couple of my notes on the Facebook Fan Page, like:

Bro Jo's "How a Girl Can Get a Boy's Attention"


and Bro Jo's "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date"


And hang in there! Lots of great girls don't go out much in High School (like Sister Jo, if you can believe it - I can't - she's a hottie!)

- Bro Jo