Speechless

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a very bad conversationalist, especially when I'm with people I don't know. I do okay with my friends, but even with my friends I'm shy. I feel awkward when I don't know what to say to guys at stake dances and other things.

I worry that guys won't ever like me because I'm so awkward and quiet. I try to be outgoing and funny, but I just end up looking stupid. I don't know what to do! I'm almost to dating age and I want guys to like me, but what guy would like a girl who doesn't say a word? What kind of things can I say and talk about?

What can I do to not be so quiet and awkward so guys will like me?

Sincerely,

Speechless



Dear Speechless,

Being a good conversationalist is an important skill, and for most of us it takes quite a bit of practice to develop it.

So, first of all, don't be too down on yourself - it takes time.

Secondly, worry less about being funny or outgoing (not everyone is a comic or a welcoming committee). Instead focus on being sincere. Think of conversations as an opportunity to learn; to learn more about you and more about the person with whom you're conversing. Ask them questions about them. Don't be to personal or "interview-y", but do listen to what they say so you can respond with an appropriate follow up. Being a good conversationalist isn't about cracking jokes, it's about listening and getting the other person to talk.

I wrote a column called "Stuff Guys Can Ask Girls About When Dancing"  - it really is a list that works both ways. Check it out!

Like anything in life, you'll become a more confident conversationalist if you practice, so get out there!

- Bro Jo