Staying Focused

Dear Bro Jo,

I live in an area that does not have a lot of Mormon girls. In fact, there is only one laurel in our ward. And in my stake, there are a lot of laurels that don't have very high standards or that have out-of-church boyfriends who would not let me go on a date with them. Really, there are only 2 or 3 girls that my parents have approved of me going on dates with.

Dating outside the church is out of the question because that grand majority of dating age young women in my area do not have high standards. I really do enjoy dating and when I go on dates with those that have high standards, I really enjoy myself.

Here's my question. Is it ok to go on a date with the same girl every other week or every three weeks, as long as you date other girls? And in my situation, would it be ok to date the same girl twice in a row?

Love to Date


Dear Dater,

How old are you?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

I'm 17. About to turn 18 in a month.

- Dater


Dear Dater,

So, pre-mission, right?

Done with High School?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Yes, pre-mission. Graduating from high school this Saturday and going to BYU in September.

- Dater


Dear Dater,

Sounds like you're in a similar position to my boys. We amended the original "Dating Rules" (Read them HERE) to allow them to go out with the same girl two months in a row if needed, which fixed some problems with getting a good girl as a date to a special dance or school thing.

And I think you're being to harsh and too general about whether or not there are good non-member girls in your area. Most people are pretty decent, and I'm sure you could have found more than a couple that were worth taking on Casual Group Dates.

I suspect there's a little more to your story, mostly because it sounds like you're trying to justify dating the same LDS girl over and over, but the bottom line is you understanding the purpose of keeping dating Casual at your stage in life.

It's the only way the letter makes sense. You're headed to BYU in just three months; once there you'll have thousands of wonderful and worthy LDS girls to choose from . . . so why ask about dating the same girl a couple times in a row when you only have two months left at home?

The answer is: you're looking for justification for dating the same girl a few times in a row this summer.

That's fine, but you'd better be careful.

Don't head into a mission with a girlfriend or any type of similar commitment; supposed, real, or otherwise.

And don't use some girl for the summer, Captain NiCMO.

If you want to date this summer, or at school between here and your mission, by all means do! You should.

But spread it around. Don't do anything that will be interpreted as a commitment.

And don't be surprised if your "between year" at the Y is a bit lonely because, let's face it, as long as you're focused on the mission like you should be, every smart girl will recognize that you're probably a waste of her time.

Stay strong and keep the faith.

Oh, and have fun!

- Bro Jo

PS:  You know, when I re-read this letter it occurred to me that you weren't going on "Casual Group Dates"; if you were then you could have widened your dating circle without the fear of non-standard keeping girls.  CGD has value my friend!