The Accidental Flirt

Dear Bro Jo,

First off I've just discovered your blog and I love it! You offer very straightforward advice that a lot of people need to hear. Let's see if you can do the same for me.

I'm a 20 year old single woman attending BYU. I have a problem with guys getting the wrong message from me. What I think is just being a nice happy person they seem to take as flirting. Because they think I'm being flirty they think I'm interested and so they move closer and try to snuggle up to me and that just really makes me uncomfortable in a just friends relationship (yeah yeah I know you don't believe in guy-girl just friend relationships, and maybe that's my problem).

My question is: how do I continue to be friendly with guys but not friendly, if you know what I mean?

Thanks, Accidental Flirt



Dear Accidental,

That's just it: you can't.

The Guy-Girl Friends thing may work from her perspective, but never his.

To a guy, a pretty girl laughing and being nice that's close enough to touch is a dream come true! Even if he can resist making a move he doesn't want to.

I'm not saying all guys are sex-hungry maniacs, not at all, but whether you want to or not you're giving all the "go ahead" signals.

That doesn't mean you need to live a nun's life, you've just got to be a little more socially aware.

I know this scares the garbage out of so many of you sisters, but the only Guy Friend you'll ever have, and I hope he's your best friend, is your husband, and that's because he'll already know the answer to "what will happen if I try to . . . touch her".

You need to realize that all single guys, all, whether at the Y or not, will see you as a potential (if they're not TOO lecherous) . . . Girlfriend / Spouse before they see you in any other way. That's just the way we're wired.

If you don't want guys snuggling you, stop bringing them into a snuggle environment. (There's a reason small sofas are called "Love Seats".)

On the bright side, when you finally meet a guy you want to snuggle with you'll know what to do!

Thank you for the kind words. We're getting more and more fans and readers from the Y, which is fun, it being a unique culture all its own.


- Bro Jo


PS: You know there are a lot worse things in life than having the guys around you find you attractive . . . .
Why don't you try turning some of these clingy dudes into dates? You'll get a few free dinners and movies (nothing wrong with that) and, who knows, you might even find someone you'd like to spend the rest of eternity cuddling.