Dear Bro Jo,
First I would like to write how much I love your website! It is amazing and helps me a lot.
Which is why I have come to you with this predicament.
First off I am going to say I am a Laurel, so I am of dating age. I have been best friends with, whom we will just refer to as, Billy for 13 years. (Yes Billy is a priest in YM :)). We have been there for each other through everything. We promised each other that he would be my 1st date when I turned 16.
The day after my birthday I accidentally sent him a text saying how unsure I was about dating and questioning if I wanted to hold it off for a while (both he and I are busy with school, sports, and travelling, and I was concerned about drama that could be caused in our ward) but he took it differently and we started fighting.
Although we made up things are still off.
So the day after my b-day (when we were still fighting) my other guy friend asked me to go on a date with him next week, so I agreed.
But now Billy is acting weird and got really mad and jealous. I asked him about it and he doesn’t want me to date other boys at all, but he "isn’t interested in me that way".
Not to mention he has been texting one of my close friends the same thing...so
1. What the heck is wrong with Billy?
2. Is this my fault at all?
3. What do I do?
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this!
Sincerely,
A sister without a quirky name.
Dear Sister,
First, thank you!
Jumping right into your questions:
1. The only thing wrong with Billy is that he likes you. Yes, as more than a friend, regardless of anything he says to you or anyone else. Or, at least, he did. He seems to have misunderstood what you were trying to say (and I've got to tell you, I think I would have, too), and he let his feelings get hurt. Isn't it interesting that at the same time we're discovering romance and love and attraction that we're also dealing with the mood swings and irrationality that come with the hormonal changes of our teen years?
2. Not all your fault, but a little. First of all, for a gal who's been reading my column, you should have clued in a little on the whole "Men and Women Can't Be Friends" thing; or, as we're putting it now "Guys Can't Stay Just Close Friends with Girls". You didn't "accidentally send him a text" - it's not like you fell asleep and rolled over on your phone and it "just happened" to type the words and you thought you were turning off the alarm and hit "send" instead on a message you had no idea was there . . .
You typed it. You sent it. You did both intentionally. Own up.
No one says you have to run out and date just because you're 16 and LDS . . .
OK, that's not entirely true. Lots of people do. Including me!
Young people should go on dates, but that doesn't mean that life will be "pressure free".
Your concern about the drama is legitimate, people might talk . . . get over it!
It sounds like you were both being irrational . . . which is the source of most fighting.
And, let's face it; part of what you were doing was rooted in the fact that you were hoping that instead of getting mad he'd beg you to go out with him, telling you everything would be OK.
But he didn't.
So you were shocked. And got a little defensive. And so did he.
And, well, there you go.
So, yes, some of it was your fault.
3. What should you do? Well . . . IMHO
a) Go on the date with the other guy.
b) Stop thinking of guys as buddies . . . pals . . . friends . . . it ain't so.
c) Make sure all of your dates follow Bro Jo's Dating Rules for Teens, and are Casual Group Dates.
d) Use spell check and good punctuation when writing to me (seriously, readers, all of this editing is killing me!)
e) Apologize to Billy. Tell him you still think he's a great guy, and you'd love to go out with him some time. (Make sure he knows about Casual Group Dating and is going to follow the Dating Rules, too.
f) No Boyfriends! Don't look at the computer like you don't know what I'm talking about, Missy! I know you're reading this thinking "But which guy should I pick?" . . . you're a teen girl; it's in your nature. Let it go!
g) Get as many of your friends, fellow Laurels and Priests, members and non, to jump on the Casual Group Dating bandwagon. Share the site and the Facebook Fan Page with them, that way you'll have more dates and less drama and explaining.
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to write,
- Bro Jo
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