Dear Bro Jo,
I'm sick of feeling the "ugly duckling". Almost all my female friends, both LDS and not, have boyfriends, just broke up with their boyfriends, or have guys they're not interested in chasing them.
I don't have any of this. In the last year I know of a total of 1 boy who has had feelings for me . . . and he's one of my best friends, who (after a lot of drama involving his feelings for me caused my other friends) addmited that while he liked me he didn't want to risk our friendship, and he knew I had feelings for another boy anyways.
I've been 16 for 6 months now, and been on a total of 2 dates, both with the same guy in my ward, just casual and for fun. But the thing is, I'm sick of this. People tell me that I'm pretty, and they seem to like to be around me. So why do boys flock to all my friends, and just want to be my friend?
Ugly Duckling
Dear Duckling,
I think what you're going through may be because the Lord wants you to learn a very valuable lesson: beauty, worth and true value have nothing to do with whether or not you're in a relationship or being asked on many dates.
Some of the sweetest, smartest, prettiest, most wonderful women didn't date much in High School, including Sister Jo.
Why?
Because boys are dumb.
It's true.
We pick the wrong girls, allow ourselves to be intimidated by others, and often overlook the things that are truly important.
But eventually we become Men (most of us) and we grow out of it.
For your part there are some things you can do that may help.
For starters, try being less of a drama queen. You've only been 16 for a short while; panic less about trivial stuff, like whether or not you have a relationship.
Two, try being a little more grateful. This column is read by many wonderful sisters who didn't get two dates in all of High School; two in your first six months is pretty good!
Third, drop the boyfriend quest. You're probably scaring off nice guys who are looking for fun Casual Group Dates and not a serious attachment.
Fourth, Be Positive and Be Happy. Guys want to go out with girls that are fun and upbeat.
Relax and let people get to know the wonderful girl that you are!
- Bro Jo
Thanks for posting this! This really helped.I feel the same way. I have been 16 for four months now and nothing. I haven't even been on a date yet. All of my friends alway have someone who are chasing them. Some times I really want a boy friend. But them again, who needs that drama.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I will try your tips Brother Jo.
Girls, don't give up. I'm almost 19 and I've never been asked out on a date. I have struggled with the boy problem, but there are so many other important things. Get out and serve. Help strengthen the yw in your ward- they will become some of your closest and best friends. Focus in school and get good grades. I won't say it's easy; I still sometimes get frustrated with boys (and I'm going to a Church school) but Heavenly Father has a plan for you, and he's aware of what you're going through. Just keep smiling and be yourself. Enjoy life! You only get to live in this estate once. Don't let it be something you'll regret for the rest of eternity.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm 18, and I've been on a total of 2 dates, also! It's okay if you don't date to start with-or just start slow! I'm getting there. Calm down, young missy! You don't NEED a boyfriend, because it will only cause heartache!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment above so much! I'm nineteen, and I've only been on one date - it was almost a year and a half ago, after I graduated from high school. I haven't been on a date since.
ReplyDeleteThere are times I struggle with this, too. It's hard when everyone else around you is in a steady relationsip or getting asked out on dates, but you're not. Then I remember - before you get a boyfriend, it's important to make sure you have a strong relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ. I have a very firm testimony that They know us individually and are aware of the things we're going through.
So to echo the sister above me, get out there and enjoy life! Get a good education, be active in your ward/stake, strengthen your testimony, cultivate your talents [and learn some new ones!], and make friends. And really, at sixteen, you don't need a steady boyfriend - looking back, I'm extremely thankful that I never had a boyfriend in high school. Wait until you're a little bit older to get one.
Never forget you are a daughter of God. He has a plan for you. You have a purpose in this life. Do what you know is right, and in time everything will fall into place.
Thanks for sharing this, Bro. Jo. It was something that I needed to read today. =)
I agree with the ladies above, ive had a boyfriend in high school, for 6 months and im almost 18. I broke up with him, because its wayy more fun to have guy friends! sure sometimes, when im in the mood itd be nice to hold someones hand and watch a movie, but you'll have that for 3/4ths of your life once you're married! don't sweat it now! Enjoy being "one of the guys" with your friends, and enjoy teenage life!!!
ReplyDeleteSO great for tonight, especially. Grrr. Why can't you always feel like you know you SHOULD be feeling. Stupid teenagerness. Anyway, Thanks BroJo
ReplyDeleteOh, so close!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely correct on not having a boyfriend at 17.
But it's okay to hold the occasional hand while watching a movie, and you're off-base on the "one of the guys" and "have guy friends" things.
One out of four isn't great, but your comment about enjoying teen life is right on.
Check out Casual Group Dating - that's the balance you're looking for.
- Bro Jo
As with you and the other girls, I've had the same problem. It stinks, I know. especially when girl friends SAY you're pretty but you just can't seem to believe it because obviously if you were some guy would notice you, right?
ReplyDeleteWhat I realized is that until I finally stop worrying about what's wrong with me or if boys like what they see, and just wait for someone who'll like me for ME--the shyness, stuborness, and clumsiness included--then I'll have Mr. Right. and even in 6 in the morning with no make-up, he'll know you're beautiful.
It takes time, I'm still working on it and even knowing and believing all that it's hard. but loving ourselves for what's on the inside is what the Savior does; we wil be happy when we believe it and let htat be enough. also not thinking about it helps and just letting His love, service, and the Gospel engulf you will do it on it's own. it's just the principles they teach us in YW all the time anout individual worth, divine nature, virtue, and so on.
THEN it will be confidence, (different from being outgoing, talkative, sexy, popular, beuatiful, or anything the world thinks is perfect in a girl)that they'll notice from the beginning and your beauty on the inside will radiate through you're physical beauty and you will be irrisistable.