[Readers: I received the comment below on the column "The Girl at Home - Part 3" (part four will publish this Saturday), which you can jump to by clicking HERE.
Dear Bro Jo,
What do you think of a stake or other church dance as a date for teens? Is it ok for a guy to ask a girl to one of these dances without a group, because you'll be with other people all night? And what if he asks other girls to dance while on this date, is it ok for me to dance with other guys?
- Bananaboat
Dear Bananaboat,
All dates before a girl becomes an adult/high school graduate and before a guy comes home from his mission should be Casual Group Dates. A couple on a date without other couples specifically part of their group is a Single Date, even if it's at a Church function.
It's no different than when a bunch of guys and girls ages 14 and 15 go to a movie (totally acceptable) but some of them are paired off as couples; they may be pre-dating age, and there may be a bunch of non-daters in the group, but those kids that are paired up are on a date (which is NOT acceptable).
A date is a date.
Is it okay to Casual Group Date to a Church Dance? I say, if you're following all the rules, then heck yeah!
However, that does mean you shouldn't be dancing with someone other than your date, THAT would fall under "don't flirt with someone other than your own date". I know it's just dancing, but still . . . even if a guy comes up and asks you should say "I'm sorry, but tonight I'm on a date. Perhaps another time".
Which is why you may want to re-think going to a Church Dance with a date. Could be fun, you'd certainly should expect that you won't have to sit un-danced-with during any slow songs, but what if your date is a dud? What if he can't or won't dance?
All things to keep in mind. Maybe if a guy asks you to a Church Dance as a date you should politely decline, saying "I like to dance with a variety of people at Church Dances, so that may not be the best idea, but I'd love to go out with you some other time!"
Bottom line: neither of you should dance with someone other than your date. If your date rudely dances with someone else, you should consider the date over, and ask him to take you home.
If he won't, call your parents or a trusted leader to pick you up.
- Bro Jo
I honestly do not like the idea of a date to a church dance. Even if you went out to dinner before the dance, I think there are other dances that could be set up for a date dance. At a Casual Youth Church dance, I believe the purpose is to get to dance with multiple people and get to know a wider variety of people better. If you're of dating age, you can find a potential future date at the dance! I think you should save the "date to a dance" for a more formal dance, like a homecoming, winter formal or prom. At a casual church dance, I honestly think the purpose behind going to the dance with a date would simply be to draw attention, because chances are you'll be the only "date" couple there. (Again, unless the dance has been dubbed a date-dance.) And that's not a very honest or legit reason in my book.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you're under dating age, it's just ridiculous, really. You're so young! Why put off a huge social gathering to only focus on one person?? There are WEEKS and YEARS ahead of you to go on a date. If you ARE going on a date at this age though, I guess I'd rather see it at a dance than alone and unsupervised. (that still doesn't make it OK!)
Point is... I believe casual church dances are social events. Near the end you might pair off, but that shouldn't be the plan straight from the beginning. There may be somebody watching you, wishing with all their heart that they could talk to you. And you could seriously be missing out on someone fabulous.