The Six L's of How to Get Kissed

Dear Bro Jo,

I need some help.

Obviously.

And some clarification.

So here is the story: Over the summer I worked at a lake resort in the mountains and made a lot of new friends. I became great friends with this one guy and found myself falling for him towards the end of the summer. His last two weeks of work before he went off to school we spent many one on one nights together: watching a movie, sitting at the hot springs (which we ended up being there for 4 hours because we found it so fun and easy to talk to one another), watching a meteor shower at 2am, and backpacking. Before he left for school (3 hours away from mine) he told me he wanted to visit me on some weekends. I thought he liked me and I was really hoping that we could be more than just great friends or that he would at least kiss me. Because here’s the thing, I am 19….and never been kissed or had a boyfriend. Is that ancient? Or is it just me?

Over this past weekend I was in Utah I hung out with him for the first time since he left for school. We only got to hang out for a few hours so we talked for a bit then when up to his room to watch a movie. And then I went home. And that was that. I was disappointed and now I am starting to question whether this guy ever liked me or if he still does then am I allowed to make the first move? It’s a little frustrating because I genuinely like him but I don’t know if I want to/or am allowed to tell him how I feel. I am too afraid of losing a friend.

What does a girl do?

Sincerely,

A long time member of the VLC



Dear VLC,

Maybe the problem is that you're "hanging out" and not dating. It kind of sounds like you're in the buddy zone, or at least in the danger of finding yourself there.

To be honest, I do think that at 19 you should have been smooched once or twice, but don't let the fact that you haven't bother you too much; it certainly isn't a commentary on your attractiveness or value; lot's of great people that are older than you are VLC members, so while I know it can feel really important, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Sister Jo pointed out that this boy may be in the exact same VLC shoes you are, and what he may need is more of a "go ahead" signal from you. So, much to my chagrin, let me give you:

"Bro Jo's HOW a GIRL CAN LET A GUY KNOW SHE WANTS TO BE KISSED"
a.k.a "The Six L's"

Linger - Don't be so quick to leave. When he walks you to the door, don't reach for the handle; stand there, keep talking, fiddle with your keys. Let him know that, as far as you're concerned, the date is not quite over yet.

Lean-in - No good guy will know that you want to kiss him if you're sitting or standing all the way over there. Close the gap. A kiss requires closer proximity than a slow dance; you don't have to sit on his lap or give him a full body-hug (neither of which I recommend for non-marrieds or public display) but you do need to be close enough that you're grateful you've used gum or a breath mint.

Laugh - Not loudly, but let him know you're having a good time; Sister Jo says this is more of a quiet giggle; think of it as smiling with your eyes.

Look - Don't stare, but you've got to make eye contact. Once you do, don't look away, look down . . . at his lips.

Listen - It takes expert skill and timing to kiss a mouth that's speaking, so be quiet! Keep your answers to his questions short.

Lip gloss - For reasons I don't understand, other than having been enticed, shiny lip gloss says "hey, buddy, plant one here!"

You don't have to do all of them, but your success rate will increase if you do. For example:

He stops the car in front of the house. As he walks around to open her door she applies a little lip gloss, just slowly enough that he sees her putting away the container, and he begins to wonder "why did she do that"? They walk to the door talking about the evening, she laughs at his joke and looks at him. At the door she takes out her keys, but doesn't make any motion towards opening the door; instead she stands on the stoop facing him. They look at each other, and as he looks away, babbling on about something or other, she takes a step closer, maybe two or three steps, looking down at her feet as she walks. He can't help but notice how pretty she is and looks at her. She looks up and makes eye contact again. She's smiling, but more with her eyes than her mouth. He's talking and she's listening. She takes one step closer . . .

At that point, the worst thing he can do is freak out, which he might do if he's dumb, painfully shy, or in a committed relationship to someone else. If he asks "what are you doing?!?", you can either tell him "trying to hint to you that it's okay to kiss me" or cut your loses by saying "nothing".

I've told you girls many, many times: you have all the power. No where will that be more evident in your unmarried lives than at this moment.

- Bro Jo

PS: Oh, and VLC, please understand, you can't lose a friend that could never have stayed just a friend anyway because he's a guy and you're a girl.


[Readers - want more of Bro Jo's advice on Kissing?  Check out "Kissing Appropriateness" on the Facebook fan page HERE or pick up a copy of "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating", available at Deseret Book, DeseretBook.com and Amazon.com.]