Dear Bro Jo,
G'day from Australia!
I should probably warn you now to get comfortable- this is one LONG e-mail :)
Anyway, I met a girl at a church dance from another stake (Australian stakes are geographically HUGE by US standards) a little while back and asked her out on a date. She said yes and we tried to pan something out (going by church standards), but the problem was that Christmas intervened, and I went away on a ward camp, and she went away with her family, and a family member got sick, and school came back before we knew it (school in Australia usually begins late Jan/early Feb). I'd added her on Facebook, and figured out I'd keep trying to get to know her that way instead.
I thought that I'd give things another shot by asking another girl out on a date, who happened to be one of Girl A's friends in the same ward. Her response was a flat 'no' on the grounds that apparently I seemed stalkerish- she said I spoke to her friend way too much on Facebook. During this time, though, she went on a date with a guy from a third stake and we almost had a Facebook fight over the whole affair.
I admit maybe I did get a little carried away, but I've now got this problem- Girl A and I don't even speak to each other anymore and Girl B tries and avoids me on the 'stalker' basis. The only positive is that this other guy and I are fine. To complicate matters even more, the church keeps growing in my area and there's talk of moving the stake boundary near my house (less than a mile away), meaning that we could all end up in the same stake. It's not that I mind moving stakes as most of my local council (I think it's called a county in the US) is covered by this other stake and their chapel is closer, but I'm worried that my reputation might precede me into this stake if I have to move (people talk).
Basically, it comes down to two questions- what do I do about the two girls so I don't seem like such a bad person in their eyes, and how can I fix a stake-wide reputation from going sour, especially if I do end up in the same stake?
Thanks,
Pacific Mate
Dear Pacific,
It's a great pen name, happy to use it.
I think you need to apologize to Girl A.
I don' know if you stalked her or not (it IS entirely possible that Girl B is making it up because of jealousy or whatever), but apologies can go a long way.
And don't do it over Facebook; clearly the technology is getting in the way (it's not just you, many many people have the same problem). Call he, or better yet, go see her.
All you say is "hey, sorry if I was acting like a stalker". That's it. Let her say what she has to say, repeat your apology when she's done, and that's it.
Then stay away from the both of them.
Where you probably screwed up is in asking out her friend; even if it was a Casual Group Date, some girls see that as a violation of trust. I don't agree with that, but they do.
We have no control over the actions of others, only ourselves. The best way to combat rumors that you're a bad guy is to be a good one.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
I certainly didn't mean to stalk her (although in fairness I can see why they saw it that way). But is there any hope of just being friends with either of them, or should I just stay away from both and see how things go?
Cheers,
Pacific Mate
Dear Pacific,
You should always be kind and polite and friendly, but as for being best pals, well I'm afraid that's out the window.
No worries, though, mate; it was bound to happen anyway.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Given my age, I still figure I'll throw my hat in the ring for dating. If I may ask another question?
There's a girl in my ward who's just moved up into YSA from YW. Her and I go way back to Primary, and I don't move into YSA until middle of next year (I'm 17). She now also happens to be the bishop's daughter. Is she too old to ask out on a group date, and does her status as the bishop's daughter change anything?
Cheers,
Pacific Mate
Dear Pacific,
No, she's not too old to ask, and somebody's got to take out the Bishop's daughter, might as well be you!
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Thanks heaps
- Pacific Mate
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