When is it right to go talk to your Bishop?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just came across your blog today. Let me just say THANK YOU for your dedication to helping us young members of the church. It seems to be an answer to a lot of prayers. Mine included. Let me explain my situation to you, and explain a bit of background.

I have been a member of the church for my entire life. When I was 11 years old my parents divorced, it was a messy divorce. My family stopped going to church after that. I struggled a lot. I went to church a few times in the years following, went to a few stake activities, but I never really became fully active. There was a lot of struggle for me going, most of which stemmed from my family falling apart and falling away from the Gospel. At times, I would be the only one who'd go. Sometimes it would be so hard for me to do it on my own that I wold just give up and not go. I regret that.

Over those years for the most part I stayed away from committing any "serious sins" because I was not sure if I wanted my life to be in the Gospel or not. I struggled with that decision for many years. During that time I spent my time with people who were not good influences on my life at all. But I thought I was strong enough to resist temptation (Side note to anyone reading this who thinks they are, take it from me. You are who your friends are. Even if you don't realize it at the time, and even if you think you're as strong as a rock, your friends really influence how you act.) I will admit, I had tried alcohol on a few separate occasions. Not trying to justify it, but it was never more than a few sips, and I have NEVER been "drunk." I was just trying to figure out what I wanted my life to be like.

Then about a year and a half ago I was going through the hardest time of my life. There were so many things in my life just falling apart all around me. Even though I didn't regularly attend church, I still had so much trust in the Lord and at this time my faith was being tested so much. I was failing. Then a very close friend of mine, who happened to be one of my best friends twin sister, passed away. This completely broke me. I just couldn't possibly imagine how Heavenly Father could let this happen... I couldn't imagine how he could take some away who was so young and was one of the happiest, and most caring people you'd ever meet. That just drove me away farther. At the time there was this boy who I was best friends with (by the way, I read your posts about guys and girls being friends. Completely. Agree.) and one night he invited me over to his house. There were a few other friends there also.

Pretty much everyone there except for me were drunk (although I'll admit, I did have a few sips...) and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. And then there was some "inappropriate touching" that briefly happened. We both realized what was happening and immediately stopped, both horrified at what we just allowed to happen.

During that entire time I had been questioning everything I believed in. It was hard for me, being only 15 and inactive for four years, to keep my faith strong during everything that was happening in my life. Since then I've started going back to church. I'm very active. I go to seminary, all the stake activities, and I'm president of the Laurel's in my ward, praying often, personal scripture study often, and basically just trusting in the Lord for everything. Another important thing I've done since then is I've cut all negative influences out of my life. All the friends (including the boy), despite how difficult it was, I no longer associate with.

The only close friends I have anymore who are not members all have positive influences on my life. My faith and testimony has strengthened so much since then. I've decided that I want to live the rest of my life in the church. I have NO desire to do anything that would compromise my beliefs, that's not really a struggle or what I need help on. I also want to attend BYU-I after I graduate next year. Since then I've also been to the temple to do baptisms for the dead.

When I got my interview I didn't really think anything when asked by my bishop if there were any serious sins in my past that I didn't confess to priesthood. I just simply told him no. I thought that since it was something that had happened over a year ago, and since I wasn't active in the church at the time I didn't need to rehash it. I thought nothing of it. But now, I'm not so sure. I've prayed many times very hard to Heavenly Father for forgiveness, I've fasted over it, and I have started to feel more at peace with it. But I guess my real question is, should I let it be at that? Should I go to talk to my bishop?

Is this something that requires talking to him, or has my personal repentance been enough?


Sincerely,

A confused sister.



Dear Sister,

Well . . . you're welcome. And thank you for sharing your testimony and words of caution.

The general rule about when to talk to your Bishop is: if you're worried, or if you've done something that puts your temple worthiness in jeopardy, make the appointment.

If you talk to the Bishop and discover you didn't need to, what a relief! If you talk to him and do discover that his help to repent (and that may include something formal or structured, and it might not) is needed, then you've taken the first steps in that process. Either way, at least you'll know.

Now, do I personally think the stuff you've told me about is stuff that you don't need to share with your Bishop?

Not necessarily. You were young. You did some dumb stuff. But you're on the right track now, and that's awesome!

(As a side note: whether or not you were active or inactive is irrelevant.)

And yet . . . I think you should talk to the Bishop.

For whatever reason it seems like you're being prompted by the Spirit to do so. That and I think you might always feel concerned until you do.

So go ahead. Make the appointment and visit with him right away. Visit tomorrow if you can. I think it will be worth the peace of mind.

Ultimately repentance is between the individual and the Lord, but a Bishop, as an ordained judge in Israel (the Gospel Israel, not the country) has tools to help us through the repentance process. And sometimes that process includes confession.

Keep building your testimony through personal scripture study, personal prayer and service.

And feel free to write me any time.

Thanks again, and God bless,

- Bro Jo