Dear Bro Jo,
Hey there! Here's my story:
Me and this girl have been good friends for a while now (both 17), and have been hanging out and whatnot. We talked about the possibility of dating one another, and have laid out boundaries. We’re on the same page as far as what's acceptable and what's crossing the line. we both understand that our priorities won't change (me with my mission, her with going to the temple). It sounded like everything was all good, but I thought I'd best talk to my parents about it before anything is made official. I talked with them, told them about what me and this girl have talked about with boundaries, priorities, standards etc. We've all come to a decision that hand holding and light, occasional kissing is acceptable. No making out, no looking for opportunities to be alone, and if anything goes south for a second we call it off.
But I was just wondering what your take on this whole thing was?
- Name Withheld
Dear Reader,
You say "dating", but clearly you mean "being boyfriend and girlfriend". That's a mistake.
First of all, you've WAY over analyzed this thing. Seventeen . . . pre-mission . . . that's Casual Group Dating, actually going out in groups to places and doing things - that's DATING, what you're talking about sounds like a -pre-arranged teen relationship, and that's not a good idea for teens with mission and temple goals.
I'm on board with your thoughts about hand holding and kissing and not being too alone, but who says you have to be in some kind of committed relationship to do that? Those rules and boundaries should exist whether or not you go out with her or anyone else.
It's good that you've talked, and good that you've sought the advice and counsel of your parents, but in general I think you need to intellectualize less, focus more on having fun in groups than being in a relationship with this one girl.
Relationship, no. Dating lots of different girls, yes!
You may think you've got it all figured out, but trust me pal, teen relationships, no matter how well they've been pre-thought out and planned, bring with them way more drama then you want in your life.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Yeah I get your point. And you say your on board with the hand holding and the kissing and that it doesn't have to be a committed relationship for something like that (maybe I misinterpreted that part). but what I find sort of uncomfortable about that is that if I do those things not being in a committed relationship, I get the reputation of being a player, and someone who's only looking to score you know? and maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way, but..yeah. haha
- Name Withheld
Dear Reader,
No, I totally understand; it's kind of a double standard. Good Guys are treated like "players" when the most physical thing they've done is peck-kiss two different girls good night, whereas girls will give things away that they ought not to guys who got all that and more from the last girlfriend simply to keep the guy they're dating (even though he never actually takes her on dates).
It's weird. It's twisted.
I know.
Despite everything girls say they want, despite all of their claims about wanting guys to be good, it's the good guys that are often the loneliest.
If the girls you Casually Group Date in High School won't let you kiss them good night unless you commit to the boyfriend thing, then you have to respect that and accept that you may not get smooched until you come back from the mission.
The irony is that if you were a bad guy you could lie to these girls, say you're the boyfriend so they'd kiss you, and then when you're tired of her move on to the next girl . . .
But you're not a bad guy; you're one of the good ones.
All I can tell you is that it's not always easy, but it's worth it.
- Bro Jo
Bro Jo,
Holy moly man. You're a genius. I think you've literally got this dating thing down to a science! haha. Thanks for the info brother.
- Name Withheld
Dear Reader,
Back at ya.
- Bro Jo
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