Enjoying the Moment

Dear Bro Jo,

There's a boy in my ward that I've liked a lot for over two years now. We go to different schools, so we don't talk very often and we only see each other on Sundays and Wednesdays and then at youth conference and stuff, but from what I know of him, he's amazing. He's the kindest boy I know, and he has an amazing testimony and honors his priesthood. He's funny and fun to be around and everything he says makes me smile. His laugh is one of the best sounds ever. He's the type of guy that every Mormon girl wants in her life.

The problem is that I started to like him before we were really friends. We went on a date last November (I had to ask him, which I know you think is bad, and I'm starting to think it was a bad idea as well). It seemed to go well at the time, but the more I think about it, the worse it seems. Someone else in my ward told him that I like him a while ago, and I have a really hard time talking to him because I'm embarrassed and I don't know what to say and I'm afraid of what he'll think of me (although I'm secretly hoping that he's forgotten I like him by now).

Sometimes we talk, and sometimes we text, and when we do it almost seems like he's flirting with me, but I try not to let myself believe he is because I don't want to get my hopes up. Some of the girls in my ward try to convince me he likes me, too, but I can't believe that either, no matter how much I want to. He's a much better person than I am, and even if he did like me, wouldn't he talk to me or ask me on a date or something? Plus, it seems a little ridiculous that he'd like me, since we're not very good friends and I act like such a dork around him.

As much as I want him to like me, I'm a senior in high school and I know having a relationship right now is wrong. What I really want at the moment is to build a stronger friendship with him, but I'm not sure how to get over the whole being scared to talk to him thing. I really feel like if we can become friends now, we could have something more when he comes back from his mission if i'm not married by then. I know that sounds stupid, but something just feels right about it. Can you give me advice to help me talk to him and become his friend?

-Feeling Hopeless



Dear Feeling,

Nope. I can't give you any advice along the lines of how to just be his close friend and nothing more.

You can be friendly by being kind, courteous and learning to be a good conversationalist. You can get his attention by being smart, sweet, positive, fun to be around, looking your best and smelling great.

But the two of you are too old to "stay just close friends" (you may want to read my plethora of letters on the subject), and I sense you know that.

The only way to get over you fears of talking to him is . . . to talk to him. Sorry, but that's it. When you do talk to him, particularly the next couple times, keep it light. Simple "hi, how are you; how's school" stuff is the best place to start.

Listen to what he says so you can ask appropriate follow up questions. Don't interrogate him, but do show genuine interest.

Maybe this guy is a potential spouse for you several years down the road, and maybe he's not (like you said: who knows if you'll even be available?). But for right now you can capitalize on how you feel about him; this is an opportunity for you to learn how to get to know someone better that you have feelings for.

And the best thing is that there's no pressure because at your age, again as you said, there's no need for this to become anything.

Have fun; enjoy the experience!

- Bro Jo