Letting Him Down Easy

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi! I just started reading your blog, and let's just say I think you're a genious!

Anyways, I have a question and you probably have a pretty darn good answer for me! I'm 15 (about a month away from 16) and I'm having a weird boy problem. This guy just moved here, and I'm one of his only friends. He is a good guy, LDS, respectful, and really nice.

Until about ten minutes ago, I suspected that he really liked me. Also ten minutes ago, my suspicion was proved correct by the guy himself. He flat out told me he likes me alot. This guy is 16, and thus is thinking about dating. Before I knew he liked me, he told me about this girl that he really liked, that he wanted to ask out on a date, but she was still 15. I told him to wait till she was 16 too, because that was the smart idea, right? I also told him she would admire him for waiting and keeping up with her standards. Oblivious, stupid me, however, didn't get that it was ME he was talking about! Now, don't get me wrong, I like this guy as a person, like he's my friend.

Now I know your philosophy on how guys and girls can't be friends, but I mean "friends" like he's fun to hang out with but I don't necessarily want what he seems to want--a relationship of some sort. Casual group dates, sure! More than that? I'd rather not. My question is how do I stay "friends" with this boy, without him thinking I like him (in the way he likes me)? Is there even a way? How do i not lead him on, but still talk to him and such? How do i make this new situation less awkward for me and this guy? Because right now im feeling the awkwardness to the highest level, and maybe its just me thats feeling awkward, but still, its no fun being uncomfortable around a friend. I just don't want to hurt his feeligs or make him think I don't like him at all, because I do value his friendship.

From,

To be Friends, or Not to be Friends



Dear To Be,

You're not dumb.

But guys can be.

You should still be nice to him, that's who you are, and you shouldn't change that. If he wants to take your being nice as "leading him on", well . . . there's not much you can do about that . . . except to be honest with him when it comes up.

Just tell him the truth. He's a nice guy. You like talking to him. But you don't see him as a boyfriend and, in fact, you have no intentions of having a boyfriend. When you turn 16 you'll be interested in going on Casual Group Dates.

It may be awkward, but it's better to say it, and say it clearly, than to not.

If he doesn't take it well, don't let that bother you too much. Just keep being you. Just keep being good and decent and nice.

- Bro Jo