Bonjour! Bro Jo,
Sorry I always run to you with my guy problems, but I've learned that my mother is kind of bias and my dad... well he just says let life happen, which may prove to be the right choice.
I'm not sure if I am getting mixed signals or if I am being a girl and over-analyzing everything. I suppose I'll start from the beginning... get comfy, I'll try to downsize it. Guy in my FHE group (We'll call him Hayden) that I have a had a crush on for a while, he is no longer in my group..
(Just a P.S. We have become friends over the past semester, so yes, your "guys and girls can't be just friends" mantra conquers yet again.)
It all started one night when I text him from my friends phone and he told me to just text from mine, I fought it at first but then I did. Truth be told, I wanted his number ha! So he and I texted off and on, he had a girlfriend at the time, so I tried to keep it very minimal. One night after FHE, when he didn't attend, I was going to text him but then decided it would be better if I didn't. Low and behold he text me to apologize for not being there haha. We talked a bit and I asked him why we weren't blessed with his presence, he said "well I'm not sure I know you well enough yet, but me and my girlfriend broke up." Honestly I had a surge of happiness and guilt and sadness for him all at the same time. He was single now, but I felt bad for being happy about that and I felt sad for him. Anyway I said I was sorry for him but he didn't seem to heart broken about it. Said he had been distant lately and she had seen the writing on the wall.
A few weeks later, probably about 4 or 5, he and I went on a double date, with my brother and his date. (Yes I asked him and yes I know you are against that). It was fun but it seemed like I was just a friend to him. He told me about his girl, I brought it up some how... he said he wasn't attracted to her anymore and it just wasn't working out.
Time passed we talked and texted. During the break/summer, we talked a lot, he almost came down to go horseback riding with me (down being about 4 hours away). Later on in the summer when I had gone home, he invited me to go to Utah for the weekend to a water park with he and his buddies, it was so tempting and he said he needed me to go, yeah he rubbed it on thick, but I couldn't go.
Summer ended I came back up to school and he invited me to a group thing., which was a lot of fun. We continued talking/texting. He texted me when he was bored at work...
One day I was out on a drive and I just so happened to drive by his house. (Really it was a complete accident, I had no idea he lived out in the middle of no where) I drove by and a few seconds later I get a phone call, from him asking if I just drove by his house. I explained that I didn't mean to, that I was just out driving; he told me to come back. So I did. I was there for a good hour and a half just talking and hanging out. When I was on my way home he text me and asked if I got home ok and said that I should come out more often, that I was always welcome, blah blah blah. Anyway within the midst of that conversation he and I planned to go shooting the next week.
Well the day before the date I text him to see if we were still on, he said he had to take a test and that it would probably too dark when he got out. I was bummed, and he didn't reschedule, boo on him. A couple weeks later I get a text from a friend that he was holding hands with what looked like his ex-girlfriend. Oh joy what a great text to receive. That kinda upset me a bit, but then it turned into frustration... But I was really trying to be happy for him and not let it bother me. A few weeks passed and I was at the temple, and he came to mind. I pushed it aside thinking it was just me wondering. But when I got home it came back, so I prayed and asked if I should text him or if this feeling was just me. I still felt like I needed to, so I did. I said "hey I was at the temple this morning and you came to my mind, how are you doing? Everything Ok?" He responded with "Ya, I'm doing good! How are you?" I really didn't feel like having a full-blown conversation with him so I said "I'm fine, just making sure you were." That is where I would've ended it. Nope not him. He answered with "Ya I always seem to have girl troubles.." Bah! I don't want to talk to him about his other girls. This is where I get confused. When guys start talking about other girls isn't that a sure sign that you are heading directly for the friend zone? I don't want to be in the friend zone with him. I really thought he was interested, am I wrong?
He continued, said he was tired of relationships that go no where. This is when I thought "Ok Heavenly Father, I really felt like it was you that wanted me to talk to him... why? Why do I have to hear about this? What am I supposed to be learning?" Hayden said he had hooked up with his ex and it just hadn't been good. I told him he would have to explain his logic, given what he had said about not being attracted to her anymore.
Nothing much has transpired since this, rejection gets tiring Bro Jo, it really does.
Can you help me out? Am I being over-analytical? Or is he really interested and giving me mixed signals?
Thanks again, it's appreciated.
~ Disgusted with guys...
Dear Disgusted,
I'm wondering how you get anywhere when you drive because you CLEARLY CAN'T SEE THE SIGNS!
How many hints do you need?!?
You're old enough; if you like this guy, Tell Him! Lay it on the line.
"Hey, buddy, has it ever occurred to you that you keep having girl troubles because you're going out with girls that aren't me? Seriously, pal, I'm tired of hearing your sob stories and I have no intention of being your consolation prize. Are you smart enough to date me or should I move on?"
You have to be "jected" before you can be "rejected", and sadly many of today's LDS YSA guys are just too dumb or cowardly to see what's right in front of them and do something about it. So give him a push. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll know.
- Bro Jo
PS: You'll never catch this pot calling the kettle over-analytical.
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