Non-member Crush on a Future Missionary

Dear Bro Jo,

My story is a little complicated, but your advice to others seems fair and helpful, so I’m hopeful that you can aid me as well.

I should start off by saying that I am not religious – it isn’t that I don’t believe in a God, but rather, I just haven’t found a religion that fits me yet. Many of the ideals that I already embrace are found in the LDS religion, and though I am still exploring my options, I am interested in learning more about the Mormon faith.

I happen to be friends with a young LDS man, and I have feelings for him. Very strong, powerful, overwhelming feelings. Though I would not say that I am “in love” with him, I will admit that I am not far from it.

Problem is, my parents will not allow me to date until I turn eighteen. He’s leaving for his mission by the end of the year, but I won’t turn eighteen until after he’s gone. Being that he’s leaving relatively soon, he is uninterested in pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone.

He knows how I feel about him, and though he’s made it clear to me that his intentions (for now? Forever? That he’s not made clear…) are only of friendship, he’s sending me mixed signals.

He’s a flirt, first and foremost, and he’s admitted as much. Though I’m doing my best not to flirt with him, he’s not at all reluctant to flirt with me. And though he’s busy with school (we’re both college students, though his load is much heavier this semester than mine is), he obviously tries to make time for me. We tend to spend our Friday or Saturday evenings talking, about anything and everything under the sun, and often until 4 or 5 in the morning. He’s also shared things with me that he admits his closest friends don’t know about him.

He’s coming to dinner in a few weeks, to meet my parents, so that they’ll allow us to go to lunch together, and he seems more eager to meet them than he should be.

Also, he’s recently asked me if I’d ever convert to a religion. When I replied that I would, if / when I found the right one, he responded that he thought that was a very good thing, even if it would not be applicable for a few years. Is it just me, or was he alluding to the possibility of me converting to Mormonism?

Though I’m a rather candid young woman, I’m not nearly straightforward enough to ask what he thinks of me, and am thus floundering in confusion over the situation.

Can you please tell me what this boy’s TRUE intentions are? His friendship is very important to me, and if that is all he desires, I can cope with that, but I don’t want to keep feeling this hopeful if that is indeed all he wants from me.

With much gratitude,

Confused Chick



Dear CC,

You know I really have no idea what this boy's intentions are.

The way he's acting it seems like he likes you (in a romantic way) regardless of what he's saying.

It also sounds like he's interested in sharing information with you about the LDS Church, which honestly may or may not have future-romantic implications. He may simply be a nice guy who feels you might benefit from and enjoy being a Latter-day Saint. It does sound like you've been looking, and he is likely in the mode of helping people find the Church (which I think is a good thing).

I enjoy my Church membership quite a bit; it's been an amazing positive benefit in my life. So, from my perspective, and given what you've said, I think you should (if your parents think it's OK) check it out. Attend some meetings, talk to some members, and visit with some full time missionaries in your area.

If at some point you do decide to be LDS it needs to be for you, not for anyone else (especially not for a guy that you may or may not ever date or have a relationship with).

If you haven't run across this yet in all of my stuff, let me tell you now that I don't believe that a Young Single Guy can be Close Friends with a Young Single Gal without them ultimately either getting together or growing distant.

Hope that helps,

- Bro Jo

PS: I'm happy to answer any questions about the LDS Church you may have. Any time.