When Push Comes to Shove

Dear Bro Jo,

I have been reading your blog and I think that your idea of guy can only ask girl on a date is a little old fashioned. Quite frankly, if it wasn't for me asking most of the time I wouldn't have any. Could it be I'm not giving them a chance?

Possibly, but we're usually friends before I ask and it always seemed like I needed to give them a shove in the right direction. Anyway, what do you think I should do? I have a really say, different personality and I'm afraid that many people get the wrong impression when they see me and are around me.

Not to mention I act really strangely around cute guys, because I'm nervous which really is quite a bother. So I tend to ask people to dance and such because I don't think they would otherwise and then since I'm also very awkward, I usually do something wrong.

One more thing, I live in a very small branch with no guys my age so if I get to go to stake dance it's rather rare.

Sincerely, Strangely Awkward



Dear Awkward,

I'm not entirely certain what you're asking my help with . . .

I don't see what having boys your age in your branch has to with stake dance attendance; if you want to meet more LDS boys your age and getting from your branch to where they're held, try getting a group together from your are to go (Church dances aren't just for members you know). You could also host a dance in your area; heck, make it a tri-stake dance and invite everyone!

I'm not sure what you mean when you describe yourself as having a "weird personality", but I can tell you that most young people feel awkward and fear doing something dumb around the opposite sex. It's actually quite normal.

The only thing "wrong" you seem to be doing is doing all the asking for dances and dates. (You don't mention if they're Casual Group Dates, but I hope they are.) It may be "old fashioned" (remind me to debate that term some day), but there are some pretty important reasons why guys should do the asking (and the calling and the pursuing). I've written about those reasons a lot, but suffice it to say that Good Guys are turned off by socially aggressive girls. It's emasculating and gives the guy the impression that the girl doing the pursuing isn't herself worth being chased.

There are of course, guys who like girls to be aggressive; they're either the kind of guy that doesn't want to put forth any effort, or the kind of guy that plans on taking advantage.  Either way, the aggressive girls come off as . . . well, "easy" (or, as I said, at the very least as not having much value).

So my advice is for girls to encourage guys to play the traditional, "old fashioned" role. No matter how weird or awkward that girl may be.  Show the boys around you that you do have value and if they're Good Guys (and Smart Guys) they'll ask you out.

- Bro Jo