Fifth Wheel

Bro Jo:

I’m 14 and I have two really good friends: a girl and a guy (14 & 15) who both like each other. They each have a good friend(another girl and guy 14 & 15) who are going out. When we hang out its usually just us five, so it’s like the 2 couples (even though 2 of them aren’t "going out"). I’m really good friends with all of them but sometimes it seems that I’m just being invited to everything to make it so it’s not a date. Most of their parents know me so it makes them more comfortable with us all hanging out and in everyone’s eyes it can’t be a date with an odd number of people. how do I tell them I don’t feel comfortable with the situation without ruining anything?

5th Wheel


Dear Wheel,

I don't know that you can, but more importantly I don't think you should keep quiet either.

You should be able to tell your friends how you feel, and true friends will respect you for speaking up even if they don't agree with you.

Don't be judgmental or holier-than-thou; just put it on yourself. "Hey, you guys, I hope no one takes this wrong, because I care for all of you. I feel . . ."

You can't expect them to agree, or to change, but you'll probably feel better getting it out.

If they get mad or defensive, and they may, simply be quiet, listen to what they have to say, and respond with "well . . . that's how I feel". If they can't respect that, then they don't respect you and it will be time to find some better friends.

- Bro Jo

PS: Don’t fall into the social pressure of thinking you should have a boyfriend just because your other friends have paired up. When those two break up, and they probably will soon, it’s gonna get ugly. Watch and learn that the drama isn’t worth it at your age. Of course, if they don’t break up, it’s going to be even worse.