Young people are young, but they're still people

Dear Bro Jo,

I love your blog! You help a lot of people and I know you have advice for the questions that have been bothering me lately

A) One of my really good friend's younger sister recently turned fifteen. She bases her self worth a lot on the fact that she does not have a boyfriend. I love her like she is my very own sister and want to help her see herself as a beloved daughter of God.

B) My little brother just became a teenager. I had a steady boyfriend (lesson learned the hard way) and so have not been a great example. What can I do or say now to help him understand that this is not the way to go?

C)This coming fall I will be headed off to college. I haven't dated a lot in high school (steady boyfriend = remembered forever as a steady dater) and am very nervous for one on one dating with boys that may be looking for a spouse.

Thanks for your time!

- Clueless




Dear Clued In,

Thank you!

For both your friend's little sister and your brother, I think simply having a mature conversation with them will go a long way. Don't lecture them, or talk down to them (young people may be young, but they're still people), but take them out for an ice cream or soda and just say "hey, I'm really going to miss you when I'm gone, and before I go I want to share something with you that I learned".

Be careful, though. Old people too often make the mistake of telling younger people "don't do what I did" in a way that comes across as either "listen to me, I'm smarter than you" or, even worse, "I screwed up, but I'm great now, so don't screw up". The second sentence is worse because it leaves the impression that they can mess up like the old person did and easily fix things.

Not that you were a huge screw up . . . you know what I mean. Teach them both about Casual Group Dating, and how great it is to have fun with your peers in a non-pressure, non-committed way.

As for your own dating, it's okay that you're nervous. You'll probably date some loser guys and make some mistakes, but you'll also date some great guys, too. Just be willing to put yourself out there and date any non-scary guy that asks. Have fun! And, when the time is right, I bet you'll meet a great guy.

I'm working on a book that addresses dating in college. I'll let you know when it comes out.

- Bro Jo