Who Pays Once You're Committed?

Dear Bro Jo,

First off, I really enjoy reading your column, it's very helpful (and entertaining!)

I wanted to ask you your opinion on who should pay for the dates, mostly after a serious relationship has been established. I've heard of various approaches, alternate paying, guy pays for everything or whoever organizes the date pays. Frankly, I think that if a guy wants to continue seeing you, he should have to pay for the dates.

Thanks for your help!

-M



Dear M -

Until you're married, the guy should pay for all of the dates. It's a similitude of a husband's responsibility for the financial support of his family. Girl-ask-guy dances and similar events are the rare exception.

However, it also needs to be said that dates need not cost much money, in fact, some of the best dates are free! Dating, particularly in a committed relationship that is hopefully leading to marriage (which is, after all, the POINT of being in a committed relationship), is about spending time together, about getting to know each other better. (How else will you be able to know the answers to "Bro Jo's List of Stuff You Need to Know Before You Get Engaged"?)

Back in 2009 I wrote a column that included some inexpensive date ideas called "Good Dates". You can check it out HERE.

One more thing: while the guy should pay for the date, I also believe that the girl can (and should) contribute.

Going for a walk in the park? You can make the picnic lunch.

Going to a movie? Make cookies or caramel popcorn.

Going to watch the stars? Make the foil dinner that will be cooked in the campfire.

See the difference?

Frankly, one of the best ways in any culture to show a man that you're a woman worth spending lots of time with is by showing him just how domestic you can be.

Now, once you're married, I advocate putting all of your money in the same account, and since all income belongs o both of you, "who pays" is no longer relevant.

- Bro Jo