Dear Bro Jo,
I'm 16, turning 17 in February. I've been dating since I was about 14.
I've always had these 'horrible break-ups' and I never seem to find a nice guy. Maybe it's because it's Ohio and there aren’t many LDS guys here or maybe it's because I'm picking all the wrong ones.
Finally, I seemed to have found the 'ideal' guy for me. The only problem? Not LDS.
He's a Catholic who wants a family, perhaps much later in life. I'm a junior in high school; he's a freshman in college.
He drinks occasionally but he has the biggest heart.
His heart, his smile, his kindness, makes me forget about his flaws. I don't want a serious relationship, and he has issues with me being in high school and past relationships made him scared to a real one now.
For now, we're 'just friends' but dating-ish. I don't want to say its friends with benefits, but that's basically what it is.
We both have high morals, so it's nothing bad but...
Bro Jo, he makes me melt every time I look at him, every time his name pops up of my phone, every time his name pops up on my Facebook page, every time he looks at me and smiles randomly.
He loves that I'm a good girl and just like every other girl, I think I can 'change' him. Not change HIM, but his 'habits' he does at college, which is basically drinking.
My parents, sister, and my friends love him. I don't know what to do - go for it?
Still keep dating?
Or let him go because he's not up to my ‘standards’?
Thanks for your time!
- Name Withheld
Dear Little Sister,
NO! Don't "go for it"!!!
Are you nuts?!?
A college age guy that has a drinking problem and hit's on 16-year old high school girls???
(BTW - Do you even know what "friends with benefits" means? It means you're having sex with him, and if that's the case, KNOCK IT OFF!)
I'm sorry, I know this guy gets your head swimming . . . but he's a bad dude. Plus, and read this very carefully, you'll NEVER change him. (WE don't change people, they have to change themselves.)
Or his habits.
That's "old guy" experience talking.
You're attracted. Infatuated. And clearly not thinking clearly.
There's no way your dad loves a college age guy who drinks getting physical with his daughter. If you honestly believe that's the case, give me your dad's cell number; I'd love to talk to him.
At your age "Casual Group Dating" is where you should be at. You're rushing into adulthood too soon, and frankly much sooner than you're ready.
Looks fade, but addictions rarely go away without someone hitting rock bottom; and the problem with that, Little Sister, is someone like you always gets crushed between the rock and the bottom.
Trust me. I've seen it. I've lived it. I know.
Have one last in public conversation with this guy where you tell him that he's too old for you and not living up to your standards. If he stops drinking, starts going to Sacrament meeting, and stops touching, calling and texting you until you're 18 and graduated from high school, then you can consider dating again.
But, seriously, between you and me, I think if you cut this guy off physically he'll choose to be gone from your life forever, because frankly my dear, that's the only value a 16-year old girl has to him.
And, I hate to be this blunt, but the situation requires it; you need to know that he doesn't love you. How do I know? Because he doesn't respect you. Oh, I'm sure that he says he does, but if he did none of what's happening between the two of you would be happening.
- Bro Jo
PS: Casual Group Dating does not have to be only with LDS guys.
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