What Can a Girl Do?

Dear Bro. Jo,

I've been sixteen for a few months, so I have been on a couple of dates, but of course I'm still a newbie on the block. 

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine confessed to having feelings for me, and he knows that I like him, too. He's a nonmember and he's also still 15...I've done my best to explain the dating standards and he's been respectful of them. 

I told him I'd prefer to wait until he's sixteen to go on any dates, and I also told him that exclusive dating in high school isn't really my thing, nor is it okay standard-wise. Nothing is really getting out of hand, and he's not pushing me to date him or to do anything physically. It's pretty much not that big of a deal, but the problem is people in my school are so used to the idea of just pairing off that no one really understands that we're not a couple, and its starting to feel like I'm being to exclusive when nothing is even going on.

Question: When someone tells me they're interested in me, is it okay for me to tell them I like them too? We're not dating, and sometimes he carries my books when we walk together or things along those lines. We're NOT physically involved at all...actually, it's kind of rare that we even hug. 

(Actually, confession time: we did hold hands once or twice, but it's not something that we've really made a habit of. Other than that, we really aren't physically involved.) 

He knows I can't be exclusive. Still, we have a lot in common and I think both of us just enjoy talking, whether on the phone or in person. We talk a good bit. He invited me to his church with his family, will probably attend mine as well. I'm just confused on what's okay and what's not when you're attracted to someone. Help?


Thanks.

-Confuzzled


Dear Confuzzled, 

Yeah its OK to tell someone that you have an interest in them, but let me ask you: to what end? What’s the point?

See, that’s something we do when we’re trying to get Into a Relationship.

Now tell Bro Jo the truth . . . deep down you think that would be pretty nifty, right? I mean, even though he’s only 15 and a non-member you do like holding his hand (which is Totally Natural, by the way) and, well, let’s face it: it sure is nice to be liked! If he was your Boyfriend then everyone out there would know that at least One Guy thinks you’re pretty hot stuff. What girl wouldn’t take comfort in that?

A lot of your friends are “pairing off”, and you think it would be nice to be a part of that club, right?

I totally get that. It’s just not the right time. If you have a boyfriend now, especially one that isn’t old enough to date, you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun stuff; and I think you know that.

So, more to your question: what’s OK to Say and Do, and what’s not?

It’s OK to compliment the boy: “Hey, Nice shirt!”; “Good job on that Test!”; Well you sure smell good!”

It’s NOT OK to use Sexy Talk: “You’re so Cute!”; “Come over here and give me a squeeze!”; even to your friends when he’s not around: “He’s Hot” is not a good thing to be hanging out there, lest it get back to him, and it will, and thoughts drift where they ought not to linger at this age.

It’s OK to Hold Hands, on a Date or walking out to the Dance Floor.

It’s NOT OK to Hold Hands around school, especially in class or the cafeteria.

It’s OK to confess your feelings in your diary; believe me, you’ll get a kick out of it later. Then you’ll get old (like me) and burn all that stuff.

It’s NOT OK to confess your feelings in writing to him or someone else; it’s the old lawyer’s adage: Admit to Nothing, then you’ll have nothing to retract!

It’s OK to give him your phone number. How else is he supposed to ask you out when he’s old enough?

It’s NOT OK to spend hours talking and texting. Learning to communicate In Person is a sadly dying art. And frankly, Bro Jo finds incessant texting Lame and Annoying.


Hope that helps! Stay on the right path,

- Bro Jo