The "Friendly" Boyfriend

(Readers: This is a comment I received to the Original Post "Clearing Up the 'Men and Women Can't Be Friends' Concept". I decided to post the comment and response separately here.)

Bro Jo-

I find your reasoning on this topic AMAZING and really hard to find in a man.
Me and my boyfriend are thinking about getting married next year and we always find each other on 2 sides of the fence on this topic. I am an extremely jealous women. I don't like him talking to other girls. However, I find it good that he has opposite sex friends but, if you’re in a relationship you should only be mere acquaintances like “hi, how are you?” But that’s as far as it should go in my opinion.

- Bride To Be?

Dear Be,

Talking alone is not enough to justify jealousy, but being “friends” might . . .

It depends on the intimacy of the “friendship” and the reason(s) it exists.

If your Boyfriend is Close with another woman, you need to be asking yourself “why?”

Is she a Back-up?

Will he be looking to her when things aren’t going well with you?

Does she offer him something that you Can’t, Won’t or Don’t? (That’s not to say you should, either. You should be his confidant, yes, his strength and support and cheerleader, but some things that he may expect are deal breakers.)

Sometimes a guy will bond to a girl and treat her like a sister, and that can be fine, but it’s rare that, left unchecked, the relationship won’t become something more, especially if they spend a lot of alone time together.

I have one Actual Sister, four Sister-in-laws, and a ton of “Little Sisters” at Church (and around the world). I chat with non-relative women and young women from time to time, but I don’t hang out with them, I don’t call them, we’re never alone for long periods of time . . .

That’s the difference between “acquaintances” and “close friends”. People today have hung a negative connotation on the phrase “acquaintances”; we toss “friend” around pretty loosely. Heck I’m “friends” with people on Facebook that I’ve never met, and some that I haven’t seen in person in more than two decades!

We’re “friends”, but that’s not the same, is it?

You and your Boyfriend need to have a serious discussion about why he has these associations and, more importantly, how it makes you feel. If his actions make you that uncomfortable, and he’s unwilling to stop, you need to move on.

How would he feel if a New Handsome Single Man moved into your ward, and he was nice to you and complimented you and you hung out together (just as “friends”, of course)?

If your Boyfriend says he wouldn’t feel threatened, and that he trusts you, he either doesn’t see the value in you he should, or he’s a liar.

Either way, if that’s his response and he won’t come around to reality and honesty in a hurry, get out.

- Bro Jo