To Prom or Not

Dear BroJo,

I know I've written to you before about trivial matters, and your responses really helped me out, so I hope you can help me again this time.

This guy, lets call him Guy 1, asked me out today at church right before our sunday school class started. I like Guy 1 so of course I said yes to going to Church Prom with him. I was excited since this was my first date and I really liked him and I had thought I wouldn't be going at all.

After Church however, he came over with another guy from Church(we'll call him Guy 2) whom I don't like much since he isn't a very good member. I try to stay away from him because I don't want to be influenced to do bad things. I try to hang out with the good members.

So Guy 1 comes over to me after Church and says that he can't afford the tickets and that he was sorry but that Guy 2 would be willing to take me instead.

Guy2 is standing right there and I've never been asked out so I sort of go on autopilot and say "sure whatever."

After all this occurs, once I get home, I start feeling sick so I try to get it off my mind that I accepted a date with a guy I don't really want to hang around with. So now I felt stuck because I'm not very good with hurting people's feelings, even when I don't particularly care for them.

Then my guardian who knows this guy starts talking a few hours ago about how she doesn't really think its a good idea for me to go to a prom with this guy. Shes afraid that if I let Guy 1 pressure me into going with Guy 2 other guys will do the same thing and I will end up dating guys who aren't good for me.

I decided to call my mom and told her everything and she agreed that I shouldn't go with this guy and my guardian is willing to say she grounded me for a couple of weeks. I think this is what I should do but I'm not sure and I prayed about it and suddenly you popped into my head.

Could you please give me your take on my situation?

The dance is in a couple weeks and my guardian says I should try to let him know before he buys the ticket so within the next couple days.

Thank you ahead of time.

- Reluctant Dancer


Dear Reluctant,

OK! I have questions:

1) What is "Church Prom"?

2) Do people go to this dance in groups or just 1 on 1?

3) When you say you don't want to date Guy 2, why is that, exactly?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

1) Church Prom is a kind of modest prom for 16-18 year olds in our stake. An alternative for the school prom basically

2) Usually they go on group dates because its funner that way but not always. Sometimes they meet up with their friends at the dance instead of go with a group and they just go one on one.

3) Guy 2 has been known to do some bad things that I don't want to get mixed up in. His mom told my guardian about these things. Just last semester he was caught with alcohol at school and was suspended until the beginning of the second semester of school.


- Reluctant


Dear Reluctant,

OK. That helps

I'm suspicious of what Guy #1 did. At first blush it seems like he was being a nice guy: he can't go. . . he found someone else to take you . . .

But the more I think about it, the more I think the move was a little slimy.

1) He should have known the cost BEFORE he asked you (and how much could "Church Prom" cost, anyway?!? You know, if it's at the Stake Center or another Church Building they're not allowed, by Church Policy, to charge admission . . .

(I wrote a column last March about keeping formal dances affordable - read it HERE)

2) How lazy is this guy?!? Go out, get a job, and pay for Prom! Mow some lawns, shovel snow, have a bake sale, do something! (My oldest baked some brownies and cookies, sold them at local businesses around lunch time, and made $100 for Prom in 4 hours; he got the idea from his 10-year old sister who did the same thing to pay for her ballet costumes.)

3) Getting another date for you sounds more like either a) a set up, as if it was always his plan to have you go with his buddy, Guy #2, or b) more to ease his conscience than provide you a good date. I'll bet he knows what this guy has done just as well as you do; if Guy #1 was concerned for your thoughts and feelings he should have asked you if you'd like to go with Guy #2 before he set it up. The whole thing gets Guy #1 off the hook, and that makes his motives suspect.


As for Guy #2, I'm not sure you shouldn't go out with him.

Look, I don't think a girl should feel obligated to go out with a boy that's dangerous, but I don't think he fits that criteria. Yeah, he's done dumb stuff, but it's not like he's invited you to a beer bash with his buddies; this is Church Prom for gosh sakes!

What's wrong with going as a group and having this kid be your escort? If you and he and everyone in your group followed "Bro Jo's Dating Rules for Teens" where's the problem?

Are we going to condemn this guy forever because he screwed up? Haven't we all screwed up? Isn't asking a Good Girl to Church Prom a sign that he wants to be a better person, to hang out with better friends?

I say go.

Go in a group.

Have a good time.

Stick to the rules.

Give the guy a chance.

If your guardian has a problem, then she should be one of the chaperons at the dance.

(Have I ever mentioned how much it irritates me that more parents don't chaperon dances? Parents have a moral and ethical obligation to get to know as many kids the age of their children as possible. failure to do so is selfish and lazy.)

I think going under the circumstances I've mentioned is better than concocting a lie simply because you feel a little uncomfortable. What if it turns out he's a really nice guy and you have a great time?

What if you're right about him, he's a total loser, and you have a lousy time; on some level won't you still have done the right thing by giving him a chance?

Rather than send a message that "Reluctant only dates bad guys", I think you'll be sending the message "Reluctant is a nice person that goes on dates".

That said, if you really have decided not to go, your guardian and your mom are right, you need to tell him right away.

- Bro Jo