Dear Bro Jo,
I am 21, and going to BYUI, but I have noticed that no matter where I go, I can't seem to interest a guy enough for him to ask me on 1 date. I have gone for about 1 year without having a single date. I can literally count how many dates I have gone on, since I have been 16, on both my hands. I don't expect to have been married already. I can wait a few years. What bugs me is that I can't seem to at least get a date for Friday night.
I know enough about guys to know that not everyone is going to be attracted to a shy, voluptuous girl like me, but I was wondering what more should I do? I try to be more open about me liking someone, but I don't want to look too forward so I can see it would go unnoticed. That's my fear. And what bugs me even more is that a few guys have told me I was a wonderful person and a beautiful girl, but yet they STILL don't do anything about it.
I go out with friends and try to meet as many people as I possibly can, but I usually don't get a second glance. I tell myself, I don't need someone’s company to make me happy, but this loneliness builds up inside me.
What should I do more without being a creep or too forward?
Sincerely,
Lovely but Lonely
Dear Lovely,
They're glancing. Trust me. You just haven't seen them.
There are two things I wrote a while ago that you may want to read.
Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"
and
Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"
Don't change who you are, but you're going to have to take it up a notch or two. Remember, the definition of insanity?
"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Einstein
If you want a different result, you've got to do something different than what you've been doing.
Oh, and let me tell you something else: I'm very disappointed in the lack of sisterhood at the Y of I. Y'all need to be taking care of each other. make a deal with your roommates and friends: start setting each other up on dates. You find a date for her, she finds a date for you. Make it a game. Every date you get set up on you put $5 in the pot. When a girl gets married in the Temple, the friend that set her up with that guy gets the dough.
Seriously!
What have you got to lose?
Put some of that Girl Power to work.
- Bro Jo
18 comments:
Haha, there's a lack of sisterhood because the girls are in a competition to get a man....it's ridiculous.
The guys are lame here too...they are more loyal to their "bros"...very superficial...they suck at introductions...and they would rather "hang out" than go on dates. It's not all the girls. We shouldn't have to throw ourselves at them to get a date. What happened to chivalry? Long gone...at least in Rexburg.
Not to mention that 90% of guys date (or want to date) about 10% of girls.....
yeah... i went to school in the burg and i noticed that the girls who get asked out and married first are the blonde skinny (frankly bland) utah/cali girls... its like mormon guys are afraid of a curvy girl (not fat... curvy..there's a difference)
I hate all the guys that are more loyal to their "bros" that is not just in Rexburg... it seems that if you go out with one guy, once you cannot ever be considered by any of his friends because he is more worried about his buddies and hanging out with them than dating!
And the 90-10 thing is so true!!
It's not just at BYU-I that the guys are lame. I live in Las Vegas, and every week at my Institute class the teacher tells the guys that they need to stop being lame and start dating. I think there is an overall fear of dating surging through the guys of the Church.
And I agree that there should be girls who band together and try to help each other out!
The gender ratio at BYU-Idaho (and among universities across the country) is 75 men to 100 women. If every man went out on a date every weekend, you would still have an entire 1 out of every 4 women who don't get asked out. The fact is that such skewed gender ratios have bigger affects on the population. When so many women are desperate for the attention of fewer men you take away the incentive for the men to work hard. So if you decide not to throw yourselves on them, someone else will, and while it may not be "fair" I can tell you who will get the date.
Frankly, I find the complaints about BYU-Idaho dating to be a little silly. On the one hand we all complain about the pervasive in your face marriage culture. We pigeon hole the place as BYU-I do. Then we complain that the men all suck at dating? You can't have your cake and eat it too.
In a college world where men take the ability to have promiscuous sex whenever they want for granted, for the priesthood men at BYU-Idaho to rise above that culture, date, delay sexual gratification, and commit to forever relationships, is nothing short of a miracle.
So complaining that the right man doesn't ask you out at the right time, or that men tend to be attracted to the same women, seems like complaining that Jesus didn't turn the water into Champagne.
I think those at Y-daho need to review some of Elder Dallin H. Oaks' devotionals regarding "dating" and "hanging out".
Peter, I wasn't complaining about JUST the guys at BYUI I was complaining about the guys everywhere I go. But thank you. Your right I shouldn't be complaining. I just wanted to know what I should do about it.
And I'm happy to say that I am not worried about getting a date anymore and I'm a much happier person. At the time of that letter I wasn't. and I'm happy to say that I went on my first date in a year and a half and I kind of have one tonight. The weird thing is, I don't know how I did it. I didn't even use the suggestions from the sights he gave me. Another thing that's ironic is that, I'm currently back home. lol
I would like to put in a word of defense for BYU-I. I have attended for four semesters, and other than an occasional desperate guy or girl, the dating life seems to be healthy. I've had a date at least every other week, and usually once or twice a week every semester. And yes, those are dates, not hang-outs. I've gone out with many different types of guys, and I've been impressed with all of them. They were moral, fun, sincere men. I had a couple of boyfriends, and learned a lot from those relationships. Overall, I think that the dating scene in general is healthy, judging from my experience and friends' experience.
@ Kate,
Good for you!
Why do you think your experience has been so different from others?
- Bro Jo
My apologies to reader "Kate". She sent in a comment that I accidentally deleted while traveling yesterday. It's re-posted here.
- Bro Jo
Kate has left a new comment on your post "Putting "Girl Power" to Work":
I think my attitude has a lot to do with it. I fully expect a good dating experience. I think that affects my opinion and perception of the school overall.
Am I seeing things through rose-colored glasses? Perhaps. But I have heard more happy dating stories than horror ones.
As far as my personal dating experience goes, it's not complicated. I talk to people. I introduce myself to people I sit next to in class, at events, at church etc.
I've noticed that being well-read is a huge benefit because I can talk to anyone about all kinds of things. Once we have a great conversation going, it just takes slightly more eye contact than necessary, a sincere smile, a few hints, a fake punch or arm touch, and I've got a date. Once he asks for my number, I DON'T CALL OR TEXT.
If he texts me to ask me out, I say, "I can't hear you. Try calling me." Basically, I consider myself worth the effort of a really great date, and I very sweetly let them know it.
On the date, I try to listen more than I talk and just smile and have a good time.
As someone leaving for Y-daho in a couple of months, I really appreciate Kate's comment. I know I'm worth it when I'm by myself, but around guys I pretty much clam up. I am a very happy person who loves to meet new people, I just have problems around those of the male persuasion. The best conversation I've ever had is with a guy in a relationship. :)
Dear Kate,
Are you the skinny blonde that the other 90% are complaining about? ;-)
MaMichelle
I don't have anything to say about BYU-Idaho, but..
"Every date you get set up on you put $5 in the pot. When a girl gets married in the Temple, the friend that set her up with that guy gets the dough."
Best advice ever!
Dear MaMichelle,
Haha, not at all! I'm average height, average weight. Short brown hair, hazel eyes. Nice skin and good teeth, but not perfect. I'm actually pretty nerdy. I'm passionate about learning, classical music, books, grammar, and argyle sweaters (plus lots of other things). I even wear glasses. Seriously. I'm a far, far cry from the "blonde skinny Utah/Cali girls". Don't believe me? You can click on my profile to view my blog. Plenty of nerd evidence there. :)
Lol, Kate...you sound a lot like me during my days at the Y. :-) Enjoy every minute of it!
I think dating at BYU-I varies from person to person. I've been here for three semesters now, and I've never been asked on a date. I go dancing several times every week, go to all my ward activities, etc, and nothing has happened. Once upon a time it was frustrating, but I've just decided that it's in the Lord's time, and I'll trust that He knows what he's doing. In the mean time, I'll keep doing the things I love, putting myself out there, being myself, and enjoy college :-)
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