Cheese Gets a Stalker - Part 3

[Readers - Part 3 in a 5-part Special Saturday Series starting General Conference weekend.  Our friend "Cheese" has a guy in her life that really bothers her, but Mama Cheese and the Big Cheese seem to REALLY like this guy.  What can a girl do when a guy just won't take the hint or go away?  - Bro Jo]



Dear Bro Jo,

Why don't I like Pete when everyone else does?

- Cheese



Dear Cheese,

Maybe you don't like Pete because everyone else is so gun-ho about him. Great guy or not, that can be really annoying and a huge turnoff.

Plus, as teens, we're driven to become our own person. That sometimes manifests itself as a bit of rebellion; its as if being contrary establishes our independence . . .

And it probably does.

And I'm not sure that ever goes away.

You likely dislike Pete because everyone else thinks he's great and you feel like their all pushing him on you. I love chocolate - I eat some everyday - but if Sister Jo MADE me eat it all the time, as much as I love her and as much as I love chocolate I'd eventually hate it and get angry at her. Make sense?

Like me, another very Red Personality, BC and MC will probably have to learn the hard way that when we find someone we want them to like, we need to plant the seed and then back off, understanding that if it grows, it grows. And if its not growing, simply piling on the fertilizer isn't going to help; once the manure gets too high, the plant will just suffocate.

(Nice metaphor, eh? Feel free to use it.)

One of the most valuable things that a good friend of mine taught me about teaching seminary is that I can get too worked up about driving the Spiritual point home. I'm so passionate about the importance of what I'm teaching, that if I'm not careful, instead of just making the point, I bludgeon students with it. He said that its my job to "set the nail" (make the point) not slam it with the hammer over and over again. "Set the nail", he said "and let the students drive it on their own".

I've been working on it for years.


When it comes to romantic stuff, there really isn't a "treat everyone fairly" rule. Its not even an option. Case in point: just because you let one guy kiss you goodnight at the door, that doesn't mean you should let Every Guy kiss you goodnight. (I think BC would agree with that.)  Perhaps if you point out to him that the difference between the "other guys" randomly showing up and Pete randomly showing up is, as he said, you "liked" them. That's a big important difference.

We treat people differently based on how we feel about them. Its not only "fair", its right. It might be good to remind BC that there have been boys that randomly showed up that He wasn't too thrilled about. While you may have felt the same way BC did, he can certainly agree that he didn't give those boys the same "fair" treatment he's suggesting you give Pete. (If you do mention that, though, be gentle; we dads hate being lectured by our children, especially when you're right.)

I agree that you should be nice, or at least polite, but I also understand that: A) any niceness is going to be taken by Peter as a green light, and B) one's home should be a refuge from the troubles of the world, and its hard to take refuge if your troubles are in your house.


Clearly you do have a problem with Peter, and that's fine. But your bigger problem is that, in the words of The Fresh Prince, "Parents Just Don't Understand". (If you haven't heard that one, trust me, the folks have.   HA!) Your problem, if I may, is that they're shoving him on you and you're just not attracted to the guy.

Seriously, this too shall pass. Be Patient, but Be Persistent. Keep communicating.

Good thing you get to go on some non-Pete dates! (Make sure BC hears how thankful you are.)

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Pete just showed up at the house while I was in the shower. apparently mom invited him over last night without telling me. He is still here. I'm going to go pick up lunch. Maybe he will leave while I'm gone.


- Cheese



Dear Cheese,

Maybe you should take a long time . . . you know, pick up lunch really, really slowly. Take the long way. Pick up lunch the next county over. Walk there and back.

FYI - I just asked the Jo Boys what they think you should do. They said that you need to find another guy. Not necessarily for a relationship, but a "transitional guy". Preferably a Big Strong One. So you know, they each volunteered. In fact, they offered to come down there and "beat the Glee" out of Pete if it helps.

:)

One of the Jo Boys suggested that you should have fun with it. For example, he said that whenever you walk in a room and Peter is there you should run out screaming like you've seen a zombie.

Or start wearing your makeup like a circus clown.

The Jo Boys think they're funny.


I have a long list of things girls did that repulsed me that I can share if it helps!

- Bro Jo