One Boy Likes Her, Another Boy is Too Touchy, and She Thinks She's Too Shy

Dear Bro Jo,

I recently hung out with my younger step-brother and his friends, which included a boy who likes me.

My mum took it all as if it was a group date but I was only hanging out with some boys as friends.

The boys aren't LDS and are all 15 or 16 years old, I'm 16.

I was invited to go (as friends) by the boy who likes me (yes, I like him back), mostly everyone in my grade at school found out about it and those who I thought were my friends called it a date and teased me about it.

He's only just 15 and has a slight interest in my beliefs, he's asked me on numerous occasions about the Book of Mormon.

He's joked about asking me out and sometimes I don't think he was joking.

I continue to say no to him because I don't want to date yet.

How can I tell him this without making myself look like an idiot?

There's another boy who's in most of my classes at school (non-member).

This boy doesn't understand the words leave me alone.

He continuously plays with my hair, hugs me, touches me (not inappropriately) and he just won't leave me alone!

I've told the teachers about this they just think he likes me as does my mum. He has had so many girl-friends it's almost unbelievable!

Can you give me some ideas to make him stop?

I have just come back from a stake Pioneer Trek (it's school holidays over here) and made some really good friends.

I'm really shy but I'm trying my hardest to not be as shy around people at Church and at Church activities.

It still seems way too hard.

Have you got any ideas to help me get over my shyness?

- LAS (Little Aussie Sister)




Dear LAS,

Looks like we've got a couple different questions here, and I thought about taking them one at a time (telling the boy why you won't go on dates with him yet, getting the too-touchy boy to respect your personal space, and getting over your shyness to make new friends), and then I realized that they all stem from the same thing:  you need to learn to stand your ground and stand up for yourself.

No one has the right to touch you, play with your hair, hug you, or whatever, if you don't want them to.

If you were my daughter I'd want you to take the three step approach:

1. Tell him, very plainly, that you don't like those things, and he needs to stop. No jokes, no apologies. And don't do it alone. Be in a public place or have a sympathetic girlfriend with you.

2. If he dismisses or ignores what you say, if he continues to persist despite your protest, then you need to raise your voice, yell at him in front of other people ("I told you to stop touching me you creep!") and go tell an adult (teacher, parent, administrator, counselor, YW leader). Dig down deep, make it clear and loud enough for many to hear.

3. Forcibly stop the assault. And make no mistake, unwanted touching when you've been more than clear twice is an assault. Punch him, kick him in his shins, slap him, stomp on his toes, mace him . . . whatever it takes.

Part of telling an adult (or two or three) in step two is so that if you have to get to this step you'll have credible witnesses who can back you up.

Does that sound harsh?

It's not.

It's not harsh because what he's doing is a serious violation of your person.

I don't care how "popular" he is with other girls, or even if they like it, you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.

As for the other boy, he's not nearly as bad.

If you do want to date him when you're ready and old enough, then that's fine (so long as it's okay with your parents); just make sure you follow the Dating Rules.

If you don't want to date him, then continue to politely turn him down.

There's nothing wrong with a little shyness.

If it bothers you, then continue working on meeting new people and getting to know them better.

Set a simple goal, like saying "hello" to one new person a day and asking them something about themselves. 

Put on your interviewer's hat.

When you get used to it, you'll find that it's quite fun.

- Bro Jo