Dear Bro Jo,
I recently was asked out by a guy in my YSA stake.
I don't get asked out a lot and he did not give off creeper vibes so I agreed.
He added me on Facebook, at which point I discovered him to be eight full years older than me!
I am only eighteen (one month to nineteen), and this seems like quite a jump.
Should I be worried, or refuse any further advances?
He is also still in college, I see him around sometimes, and I am wondering if there are reasons for that. (We both go to UVU, so he most likely isn't going for an advanced degree.)
I am just quite shocked and really don't even know how to react.
Also, thank you, thank you!
For the time you put into this, you always know what to do!
Sincerely,
Young 'Un
Dear Young 'Un,
Go on the date; have a great time.
If the age difference bothers you at that time, make it a onetime thing.
But you won't know if you don't go.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Thanks.
Also, I was worrying about how to say no, and that very same day you posted a letter that answered it!
It's amazing how things work out like that, isn't it?
Sincerely,
Young 'Un
Dear Young 'Un,
Did you go?
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
I did go on one date with him and probably about five days later he called again. He usually calls and asks if I want to go out and then waits a few days before actually setting up a tentative plan. He isn't very good at planning things out exactly.
- Young 'Un
Dear Young 'Un,
Interesting.
- Bro Jo
*** 2 months later ***
Dear Bro Jo,
It's been a while since this started.
We haven't gone on a date since but he called me twice on a weekend where I was super busy. I did not end up calling him back and a while later he sent me a text that said "you hate me".
And that was all.
I did not know how to respond and felt like he was trying to manipulate me so, again, I did not respond, although for a different reason. He sent me another text later that said "moo cow". I really don't have the time or desire to deal with stuff like this.
A few of my guy friends are telling me to just tell him I am not interested. But my mom thinks that he seems like the kind of person who would not take the hint and/or would get angry. She thinks I should just ignore him, but I still see him at stake activities and such.
What do you think?
- Young 'Un
Dear Young 'Un,
I'm with your mom on this. I'd ignore him on a social level, but be polite in public settings. You've gone on the required-to-be-nice few dates; there are too many other guys out there. I say "move on".
- Bro Jo
PS: You wrote "guy friends" . . . hahahaha . . .
8 comments:
Hehehe. The PS made me snicker. As someone who is notorious for friend-zoning, I must ask, what is your opinion on the Friend Zone? I know you think guys and girls can't be friends, but what about when one party makes their lack of romantic interest firmly known? I have a plethora of friends who I can have a wonderful time with in a group setting, but revolt me in regards to dating. See, I believe that there are two sides to every guy, the friend side and the date side. Most of the guys I've dated in the past two years have been incredibly funny and interesting and normal when hanging out, but become disturbingly clingy and dramatic whenever they like me. We absolutely don't hit it off romantically, but are perfectly fine friends. So I guess to me there's a clause to the guys and girls can't be friends thing. You can't be friends without occasionally having to deal with one party pursuing the other, which is far from a point of no return. Thoughts?
This girl is making a bigger fuss about it because of his age. She made a big deal out of it, she likely thought about that during the date, she psyched herself out with it and didn't let that go before, during, or after the date. Everything else that she's done here is based off that one factor about the age difference and this may not have been such an awkward situation if it were a guy whose age didn't scare her. He's not a monster haha he's just a guy, but from the get-go the girl was thinking about potential "creepy vibes", which she says she didn't find at first.
Guys get frustrated with many girls because girls will go on one date and then they turn extremely awkward and scared towards the guy after that. It seems that girls who aren't interested in a guy before a date will fish for reasons to not go our with him again during that date. Rarely have I heard of a recent case in which a girl didn't like a guy before a date, but went out with him anyway and then ended up liking him. This is a major problem because it seems that a large percentage of girls go into a date already not interested in a guy. Girls, stop "fishing for silly reasons to not like a guy" when you first meet them or are asked on a date. Otherwise you really AREN'T giving him "a chance" even if you go on a date with him. A date isn't a chance when a girl goes in with the mindset of "something is wrong with him and if not then he better sweep me off my feet".
The guy sounds TOTALLY immature. Sending "moo cow"? Really? What the heck does that mean? Just because a boy/man is older does not mean he is mature and when he sends random texts of "you hate me" I think that is a HUGE warning sign. I would definitely stay far away.
He probably does it out of frustration and maybe tries some sort of dry humor with those texts, but it's just hard to determine emotion through texts. He likely wouldn't have done that if she didn't ignore him so much. She should just tell him she doesn't want to date him without sugarcoating any sort of friendship. Girls bring these situations on themselves. Again, if she wasn't so creeped out making a big deal out of his age then this likely wouldn't have happened.
Another thing: besides blowing things out of proportion, girls make things get out of hand by simply ignoring a guy. It's like they want to pretend that nothing is happening or that they want the guy to think that the girl no longer exists. Girls, learn to confront situations instead of hiding and spreading rumors about a guy that we don't know and who might be a good person if we knew more about him than what you talk about. If you want guys to "take risks" by putting a greater effort into pursuing girls, then you should also put the effort into learning to solve problems head on. It'll make everyone's lives easier.
To the first anonymous comment... Are you kidding? I went on a date with a guy that I wasn't interesting in, and now I am totally into him! In fact, I dated him twice before I liked him.
And she didn't ignore him before, she was just busy! I think that you are taking this post way too personally.
I'm the 1st anonymous commentator responding to the girl that just responded to my post.
For every one case like yours, there are thousands of cases in which that doesn't happen: the girl goes into a date already not interested in a guy (not indifferent...totally not interested), fishes for more reasons to not be interested, and then after the date she acts weird towards him and labels him "a creeper" after any type of communication or approach that he tries to make. Your one example is good but it's a rare exception. There are hundreds of pity dates at BYU/UVU where the girl feels way disinterested before the date even happens, and rarely will the girl change her mind and have some sort of interest after that. She'll let silly reasons take over and won't give the guy a real chance because of that.
Listen to you two!
Both arguing and agreeing at the same time.
Here's the key, and you can tell all of your frustrated whinny friends:
STOP HANGING OUT!!!!
Stop treating each other like "pals"; stop "Friend Zoning" each other; and listen when you're told that Guys Can't Stay Just Friends with Girls.
Sheesh!
I love y'all, but you have no one to blame but yourselves.
(That's remarkably unattractive, by the way . . . that whinny blame the other side stuff . . . just thought you should know.)
Build a bridge.
- Bro Jo
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