Is a Mission Why She's Not Interested?

[Dear Readers,

I get emails like the one below often.  I think the first one we posted was "Mission or Marriage?" back in 2009.  (Click HERE to read that post.)

While this particular email came and was answered before the missionary age change, I think my advice is the same:  young women should prep for a mission, but not put off dating until papers are in, nor should they feel any amount of guilt for either serving or not serving; I think the prophet has been pretty clear on that.

The one element in this correspondence that I never really got to was the idea that this sister maybe using a mission as a way to avoid relationships, like there's something deeper that she's afraid of . . .

What do you think?

- Bro Jo]



Dear Bro Jo, 

I'm a 20 year old girl with an immense desire to serve the Lord for a full 18 month mission.

Here's the thing:  because I have such a strong desire to serve, my desire to date or get into a relationship has decreased....a lot. Is this a bad thing?

I'm afraid of getting into anything serious. Not that I haven't been dating because I have still been socializing a dating with guys. I guess I’m more afraid of any relationships developing. I have had so many people tell me that I am way out of line for not wanting to date seriously at my age and go on a mission instead.

My way of thinking is that the Lord isn't going to withhold me from something as important as marriage just because I am a female and decided to serve a mission.

Some people also feel like I am doing this because they think I am "waiting" for my old boyfriend who I recently sent on a mission. This is not at all the case. I don't even believe in the waiting game.

Am I being ridiculous to just want to focus on my studies and making money and preparing for a mission instead of looking for a husband?

Sincerely,

A Wannabe RM




Dear Wannabe,

Is this your response to my question to your last letter, asking how everything went with your first kiss? 

Seriously, if you want to serve a mission, then serve a mission. In my opinion, I wouldn't call that "out of line" . . . but then, to be honest, I question if that's what people are really saying to you, because it doesn't seem to fit.

I just can't hear "Mom, Dad, I want to serve a mission" followed with "daughter, we think you're totally out of line!" Right?

My guess is that what you're really hearing is that you shouldn't be closed to any romantic possibilities during this time. Sorry to sound old fashioned, but there's a big difference between being an 18-year old guy and a 20-year old woman when it comes to marriage. 

So I think that if a nice guy asks you out, you should go.

Keep preparing for a mission; save your money, keep studying hard, and when its time, if you feel so inspired, by All Means, Go!

Don't aggressively look for a husband (I don't really like that point of view for any woman, anyway), but don't live like a nun, either.

Oh, and while I agree with you that you shouldn't "wait", I also think there's nothing wrong with a young woman serving a full-time mission at the same time a guy she likes also happens to be serving.

May the Lord guide you in all of your decisions,

 - Bro Jo

PS:  I'd love to hear more about why you think you're "afraid" of getting in a relationship.  Is it more than just fear that finding someone you'll love for Time and All Eternity will keep you from serving a mission now, at this time in your life?