Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

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Monday, May 22, 2017

Are They Dating?

Dear Bro Jo,

So here is another of my dilemmas: 

So I've known this guy for quite a while now, we used to go to seminary together but then he graduated and didn't see him as often.

Now we are both in YSA and we just currently volunteered at a youth activity. Before that, we had been talking for a while on Facebook about random stuff. Most of the time he will initiate conversation and I will just respond because I'm nice (well I Friend Zoned him a long time ago, and I think he did the same, mostly because he used to like one of my close friends a few years ago, it was reciprocal and sincerely I never had a romantic interest on him) he just recently suggested to hang out (he also said that it was very sad how little he saw me, and my friend the one from above and my sister). 

I was going to just ignore this since I've decided I won't hang out with guys. 

Only dates. 

But a few hours later he mentioned it again. but since he included the whole package(sister and friend) then what should I do? 

Should the four of us hang out??? 

(Just for the record, I thought it was weird he mentioned my sister since  she is younger than me and they were not really friendly to each other, they were more like acquaintances) I don't want to use one of the get-a-guy-to-ask-you-on-a-date lines (I could but what if he just really want to hang out?) and as I said before, I don't really see him in that way, although I never reject a first date, but as I say before, I barely see him so what do I do? 

I don't want to seem rude or anything. Besides, he is leaving for a mission pretty soon.A part of me tells me that this hanging out will just be friends catching up but another part of me tells me there is something off. 

Please help! :)

Thanks a bunch!

- Em

Dear Ember,

Sounds to me like he wants to get out of the Friend Zone.  I think including your sister is either a sacrifice he's willing to make because it will get you there.... or he has a thing for your sister....

I say stick to your standards when it comes to not hanging out.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Does She Love Him? Or Just "the Idea" of Him?

Dear Bro Jo,


I am the one who sent you a message on Facebook. As what you've said better to send you an email. :)

Uhh, I really love this man. I do not know what to do.

Before my best friend told me everything that they'd converse but they had one left secret that she didn't tell me... I'm really saddened these past few weeks because of this. Because a friend of mine saw this missionary at the Manila Temple during a Temple tour and he asked that missionary if my best friend and him were close with each other?

And did they exchanging emails?

And that missionary told them the opposite that my best friend hath told me...I want to know the truth behind both story... but I do not know how?

I sent a text message to my best friend about this... and she responded: "Come to think of this... I wouldn't even benefit a thing if I give you false hope...I still have one last thing to tell...Told you it's meant to be untold in due time...”

I really want to know the truth. If only I could talk to that missionary I already did but I don't want to be a cause of distraction and I really want to be worthy enough for him.

I do really love this man...

He really influenced me to become more a better person and a better latter-day saint.

I kept on striving to become worthy enough not just for him but I have this strong testimony because I've been born and raised in the church through my parents...

I do always include him to my prayers even his family...

There's a time that I really want to give up but as I knelt down and cry unto the Lord I received an instant answer... sometimes in the scriptures and mostly through my best friend... that was really the time that I almost want to give up because I was thinking that it would went vain..

But she told me everything except to that last secret... am willing to wait for this missionary... in fact, he'll comes home soon...

What am I going to do Bro. Jo?

Thanks for help in advance!

I'm 21 years of age.

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

I just don't see any reason to worry about this at this time.

You have no way of knowing if you love him or simply love "the idea" of him, and won't know until he comes home and even then if And Only If the two of you actually date.

As I have said, until then, you should continue to gain dating experience by going out with any decent guy that asks.

- Bro Jo

Monday, May 15, 2017

About To Graduate and Never Had a Date?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm a Senior in high school, I'm 17 years old, and I've never been on a date.

I am on my stake's youth council, and while I was getting my ecclesiastical endorsement from my stake president for BYU, he asked me if I date. It was a little mortifying to say that I've never been on a date, in fact, I haven't even had an actual crush since 8th grade, but I had to say it. It was especially bad since in my stake they push dating so much, in the casual setting of course. I haven't been telling boys that I'm not interested in dating or anything, and I many of my girlfriends go on dates frequently, but I just can't seem to get one.

Honestly, the closest thing I have had to a date, was going to dinner with my good friend since 3rd grade, my other girlfriend, and his 14 year old brother. I mean, I know this isn't a date, but it was the closest thing resembling a date I can count. I also don't count my Mormon Prom, considering I hardly saw my date the entire time, and I don't count Mormon Winter Formal, because for that I brought one of the boys I am friends with in the Special Education class I work in.

I guess my question here is, are guys this generation less willing to ask girls on dates in general, or is it that I am just not dateable? I feel like I am disappointing my parents and stake leaders by not dating, because they are so concerned that if I don't date now, I will have a hard time getting married later. I guess I just don't know what to make of this whole situation.


A Dating Virgin

Dear Dater,

First of all, it sounds like you've been on at least three dates, whether you count them or not.

Secondly, I think you need to reign in the drama a tad.  I doubt your lack of dating experience is a disappointment to your stake leaders.  Trust me; no one is in a meeting saying "how can she ever amount to anything if she doesn't date in high school?"  Because it’s not like you have opportunities and you’re shutting them down, right?


Finally, while I'm flattered you asked (and I thank you for reading and writing in), the truth is I'm not the person you should be talking to.  Sure, I can help with things like:

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"

but you've got a great collection of girlfriends who are dating and know you much better than I do.  Ask them.  Ask them why they think they're getting asked out all the time and you're not.

Because, little sister, Information Precedes Revelation.

Once you know, then you can decide whether or not you need or want to change anything.

Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, not having a "crush" since 8th grade isn't a big deal.  Just be you:  a great girl whose value comes from God, not from boys.

- Bro Jo