Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

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Friday, June 23, 2017

What If You're Too Shy to Get Dates? - Part 1

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a question for you, but I think I'll need to explain what is happening first.

Well, I'm a 20 year-old girl, I live in Utah and I don't go on dates. Not because I don't want to. I really do, but guys don't.

There is something about me that don't attract good guys AT ALL.

All I have after me are Salt Lake City creepers.

It makes me very frustrated because I try my best. I try to look good with what Heavenly Father gave me, but it seems that it doesn't help too much.

I try to talk with people and participate (even though I'm extremely shy). I try to go out with my friends and meet my friends' friends.... Nothing works.

Boys get interested in every other girl but me. I don't know what I am doing. And my friends seem to get guys asking them out pretty easily, and they don't do anything. It just happens.

What should I be doing?

Any flirting advice to shy girl?

I kind of wish that boys realize that I'm there, but nothing works.

There's either something wrong with me or something wrong with them. And I don't get what it is.

- Too Shy




Dear Shy,

You know, without knowing you better I can't really say that you're doing anything wrong.

You may want to check out things like:

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"


Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"

and

Bro Jo’s "TEN WAYS a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to CALL"

which might answer some of your questions, but I think you're ignoring a great resource:  your friends.

The girls AND the guys.

Ask them why no one is asking you on dates.

What they have to say will likely be quite valuable.


And let me know what they say.

- Bro Jo

Monday, June 19, 2017

Does He Like Her?

Dear Bro Jo,
A friend of mine told me about your blog and after reading a little bit I was wondering if you could help me out with a recent problem.

So, story time.

There's this boy that I have been spending a lot of time with recently.

Like, we've seen each other daily for the past two weeks where before we hadn't seen each other in a long time.

We flirt, mess around, play with family members, and just have a really good time together.  I've had a thing for this guy for a long time now, but when we met I was in a relationship, then when I broke up with the guy I was considered off-limits because his best friend liked me.

Now we're both single, I dealt with the best friend, and I still like him.  And throughout the last two weeks I thought we were getting along perfectly!  ...and then he killed it by telling me that he was looking for a relationship with someone else... Someone unlike anyone he'd dated before, and I don't fit that category.

I'm your standard Molly Mormon, someone who follows all the standards as best as possible and sometimes I feel like that isn't the most attractive thing in the world to do.  It's considered too "goody-two-shoes."

But anyways, we've talked about relationship stuff over time.  We've talked about what we want in a significant others, life in general, and have gotten to know each other really well.

Time goes on and I had the chance to do something extremely nice for this guy, something he wasn't expecting.

So I take the chance, and do this kind deed.  Well, when he discovers what I've done he tries to give the thing back and I won't let him.  So, instead he asks me on a date.  Did I get a pity date?

Like a date that's only happening because he thinks he owes me something?

I accepted the offer and am really excited for it, but fear being crushed.

Should I keep flirting with this guy and see where it goes?

What do I do?

Does he like me??

How do I know?

I'm not entirely sure what's happening... help?

Sincerely,

- Lost and Confused





Dear Lost,

If you're under 18 you make sure the date is a Casual Group Date, go on lots of those with lots of different guys, and stop worrying about relationships.

For now.

If you're Serious Single Dating age then you go on the date, flirt, be and have fun, and see where it goes.

We guys are just as Lost and Confused as you all are.  Perhaps he said what he did to see if you liked him... perhaps he's discovered how much he likes you ... maybe he's just seeing if there's a possibility of something more, and maybe he's just being nice.

If it means anything, this would be more of a "thank you" date than a "pity date".

Just go out and have fun!

Enjoy the journey.

- Bro Jo

Friday, June 16, 2017

What Does It Mean When He Stops Texting Her?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi!

Thank you so much for making such an awesome blog! Your advice for LDS youth today really is priceless. Every week I look forward to reading the new posts.

But now I have a few questions of my own for you! Some quick background on me though, if it might help you understand my situation better. I'm a junior, and almost 17. I am a member of the VLC, as you put it. I love hanging out with my friends. I'm decent looking, and I'm pretty funny and friendly. I have a testimony and 'm committed to keeping the standards outlined in For the Strength of Youth.

I'm sure you're busy, so I'll make this as quick as I can:

At the beginning of the school year, I went to a group activity with several youth from my ward. While there, I met the cousin of one of my friends from my ward. I didn't really talk to this boy much, but I thought he was cute. Then, a few weeks later, my cousin ended up getting this boy's number from my friend and made me text him. I was kind of nervous to do that and thought that it was unconventional, but as it turned out, we kind of hit it off and texted quite a bit, off and on, for the next few months. (I know that texting is definitely not way the best way to communicate, but since we go to different schools and live about 30 minutes away from each other, it's the easiest way.) Since we started talking, we've gotten a group of friends together a couple of times-one time it was my idea, the next time it was his. I realized I was starting to like him, and I was pretty sure hat he liked me, too. I thought that he might work up the courage to set up a causal group date sometime soon, and I hinted a little bit that that would be fun.

However, during winter break, we stopped talking pretty much completely. I know that we didn't, don't, and shouldn't be talking all the time, but I thought it was odd that pretty much all communication had stopped. I've texted him a couple times recently to say hi and try to carry on a nice, casual conversation like we used to before, but he has seemed to be busy or something every time. As far as I can tell, I never did anything to offend him or turn him off.

Do you have any idea why things would have unexpectedly changed like this?

Did I not show enough interest in him when I was around him or when I was texting him?

My cousin (the same one that made me text him) says that I should tell him sometime soon that I like him.

Somehow, she thinks that doing that would be beneficial in some way. Should I follow her advice?

Should I just straight up ask him what changed?

Or should I just be glad that I got to know him a little bit and move on?

I'm pretty clueless, so any advice for this situation in general would be much appreciated.

PS-just to clarify, I have never intended to have this friendship go any farther than a friendship. Sure, a casual date now and then, but nothing more since we are young and should only be casual dating :)

Thank you so much for your time and advice!!

- Left Wondering




Dear Wondering,

You know . . . I don't think you should read too much into the change in behavior.  He could be busy with something new in his life, or just busy with that stuff that comes up at our age (school, work, family, Church . . . )

It could just be normal boys being dumb stuff.  (Which is not necessarily negative . . . especially at your age.)

Even if he's decided that he wants to spend his time and attention on someone else . . . as painful as I know that may sound . . . that is in no way a commentary on your value, attractiveness, or a negative comment regarding how cool and fun and smart you are.

I don't agree with your cousin.  If you pursue him more than you have at a time when he's backed off it's probably going to come across as annoying or desperate.  The ball is in his court.  You've made an effort, and the next step needs to be his.

I mean, if you see him, say at another gathering or a stake dance or something then by all means you should not ignore him.

Say hi.

Be Pleasant.

Maybe even (in a lighthearted way is best) give him a bit of a tough time for not texting you as much as he used to.  (If he counters with "well you don't text me as much, either" I think your response should be "when guys initiate contact it makes the girl feel special; when girls do all the initiating they come across as desperate".

Wink.  Smile.  Touch his arm.

Valuable lifelong skills you're learning here.


- Bro Jo