Things to know

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Monday, December 11, 2017

When the First Kiss Does Not Go Well

Dear Bro Jo,

Okay so I'm just going to start by explaining what's happened in the last couple weeks.

I invited the missionaries (Elders) from my ward over for dinner. I also invited my cousin but turned out he couldn't come, so I really needed to find a guy that could come or I'd have to cancel.

There was a guy I had gone out with but not for over a year, we had gone out once or twice but he hadn't asked me out again which is whatever.  But when I would see him once and awhile around we would chat he'd give a hug or throw an arm around my shoulders. Which was more confusing than anything, I had decided if I had a chance I'd ask why he'd never asked me out again. I was going between I really do like him and he's such an idiot if he's not going to ask me out again I wish he'd leave me alone

Anyways I figured he would come to dinner on short notice if I asked and he did come. He said he'd been thinking about me and that we should do more stuff again. I said well you just have to ask! He said I know I know but since this was just yesterday I had yet to get around to the doing part.

After dinner he asked what  I would say if he asked me out again. I said I'd ask why it took so long. He said something like well I didn't really  know what I wanted. I asked well now you do? He said well I know better what I don't want. So I told him if he asked I'd probably say yes.

He did ask me and we went out where he asked me to the dance coming the next weekend. He also gave me a little kiss but I think he mostly missed but it was cute

The dance was fun we held hands as we went in to the gym (which as apparently spread ridiculously fast I got a text from my cousin this morning asking about it! Less than 12 hours after the dance ended!) we were slow dancing he mentioned I wasn't looking him in the eye I tried but I couldn't stare into his eyes it was awkward.

On the way home he said he liked me, he doesn't always know what he wants but he wants to see what happens with whatever this is he can't make promises about what will happen. I told I liked him and couldn't expect any promises.

When he dropped me off he said he wanted to try that kiss again we did it lasted a little longer than again about the same thing. I told him to call me and we would figure out a time to see each other again.

He's a good guy. I guess question is this I'm supposed to like kissing right? I have never been kissed before so maybe I'm something wrong but I was under the impression I was supposed to like it a lot. I just didn't, I can't say I really am dying to do it again or ever maybe.

I've wanted to get kissed for a while now but sex always been a scary thing for me which I haven't had to worry about so far but this kiss thing has got me thinking if I don't even like kissing... I don't want to be that wife who is like ugh he wants sex again... yuck

Is wanting to be more physical something that comes with a more serious relationship?

Thanks for taking the time to help, not sure how to explain this anyone else.

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Did you know that in lots of cultures kissing is not something they do?

True story.

See, kissing is a cultural thing.  Some people like it, some love it, and some could take it or leave it.

I suspect you'll enjoy it more as you gain experience and as the person you're kissing becomes better at kissing.

It may help to realize that he's kissing you because he likes you and finds you attractive.

It may also help you to like kissing when you realize how . . . excited . . . kissing you makes him feel.

There's a big gap between kissing and sex.  While both can be scary, both can be enjoyable when they are shared with the person you love.

For now, enjoy your relationship, and see if kissing him doesn't get more enjoyable with time and experience.

- Bro Jo

Monday, December 4, 2017

One Guy's Story - Part 3 of 3 - Is "Loyal" the Right Word?

[Dear Readers,

The post below is part 3 of 3.  The first part posted November 20th, 2017.  The second part posted November 27th, 2017.

- Bro Jo]

Dear Bro Jo,

In the intervening time since I sent that last email, I have found at least one aspect of my loyalty that is not good, so you were completely right about my loyalty being a problem.

The problem is this: while I don't blow my significant other off (when I have one), or my friends when I can, I do tend to blow myself off. I hope that makes sense. What I mean is that I will often sacrifice my health or well-being if someone needs me.

When Kari and I were engaged, I was working as a TA, holding office hours and grading projects. She would be with me while I worked, but she would work on homework. I didn't have that luxury. And then, when I was done, we would spend more time together until curfew. (We never broke curfew or the Honor Code, and that fact was a big comfort for me after our failed wedding day. I knew that, regardless of anything else, I was still worthy of a Temple recommend.) I never got a chance to do homework until after she went to bed because she wanted to spend that time with me, and I obliged.

I shouldn't have obliged. I should have limited our time together so I would not be so tired because my exhaustion contributed to the mistakes I made on our wedding day.

Looking back to your comments about my loyalty in your first email, I had to admit that you were right; I was too loyal in that sense, and quite frankly, it was my "almost fanatic" loyalty to her that prevented me from seeing the coming storm. It prevented me from sensing when she was not being completely honest with me as I was with her. Benjamin Franklin said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." I shut my eyes too fast.

I'm sorry for being so arrogant and stubborn.

I will try to remain loyal to my friends without hurting myself; they deserve that much. I will also try to build friendship before romance because that was another mistake I made with Kari. And if those new friends find it hard to date "because we're friends," I guess I still have new friends.

As for what you wrote in your last email, I will do my best to do those things, but I don't think it will be easy; it's hard to trust in the Lord's timing when His timing gets thrown off by others' poor choices! Oh well.

That said, I can say that I will never give up or surrender. I haven't yet, and I am happier now than I was just a year ago.

Thank you.

- Loyal

Dear Loyal,

Good for you!

I've been wondering, though, if in all of those instances "loyal" is the right word . . .

Hang in there!  You really seem to be on the right path.


- Bro Jo

Friday, December 1, 2017

Medical Marijuana

Dear Bro Jo,

Is medical marijuana considered against the Word of Wisdom if prescribed?

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

While I'm not a spokesperson for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I can give you my opinion and share what I know.

First of all, concerns a member of the Church has regarding the Word of Wisdom should be addressed with their Bishop or other Priesthood Leader.

Secondly, my personal opinion is that in the country where I live most people who have medical marijuana "prescriptions" (the vast majority) are actually just recreational users using loopholes in bad laws to get access to harmful and addictive drugs.

Third, if one truly needed to use mj as a medicine, pill form is proving to be much more effective than smoking it.

My advice to a Latter-day Saint trying to live the Word of Wisdom is to consult with priesthood authority; my expectation is that smoking marijuana is against the Word of Wisdom, regardless the justification.

- Bro Jo