I just got home from my second semester up at the Y. I started dating a super nice RM at the beginning of January, and I can honestly say I fell in love with him.
I messed up. We went into the relationship with him informing me that he wasn't ready for a serious commitment. I told him I'd be okay with that, and we continued dating anyway. We grew super close, and we'd make an effort to spend time together every single day. Towards the end, I think he realized how seriously committed we had become, and he freaked out and kind of abruptly ended it. Two weeks later, he was seen around campus holding hands with another girl.
I get that it's my fault. He told me he wasn't ready for a serious commitment and I insisted it would be okay. That was dumb. But I'm really struggling with the aftermath of this entire situation. I miss him so much it hurts. I've lost my appetite, I've become very ill, and I've lost the desire to do anything but stay at home and cry.
I guess part of me is just super confused. I don't really understand how he could have meant all the things that he said to me, but be able to move on as quickly as he did. At the same time, I'm not convinced he is entirely over me, either. He'll still text me quite often, and I've heard he's been jealous when I've been around other guys. I'm not sure what to do? I feel very used, and as this was my first relationship, I'm not exactly sure what's supposed to happen now. What are you supposed to do once you get out of a relationship? It's been a month now since we broke up, and I'm still distraught. How can I get over him?
Any advice you can give me would be much appreciated. I need help.
- Hopelessly Devoted
I'm sorry, but I just don't see how this is your fault.
Sure, you lied when you said you were okay with things staying casual. But I think it was reasonable to expect that, despite what he said in the beginning, with all of the time you spent together and everything else that he had changed his mind.
Now clearly you and I are different people, because if someone I really liked had strung me along, bolted when AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS it occurred to them that things were getting serious, and a short time after dumping me was making out with someone else . . . I'd have No Desire to ever get back together with that person.
But then it DID happen to me. More than once.
And, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but yes, he IS over you. That may make him a jerk and an idiot, but it's also the truth.
You need to date other people. That's the best way to get over him. That, and as Sister Jo always says, Service.
I also feel extremely strongly that you need to cut this jerk out of your life. Every time you text him back you're telling him that what he did to you is okay, that he need not feel bad about himself, and that he can continue to keep you as a back up because no matter how many other girls he swaps spit with or holds hands with in public you'll always be there . . . pathetically hoping he'll some day come back to you.
Believe me, once you cut this guy out of your life you'll finally be able to move on.
Now pick yourself up, put on your favorite outfit (the one that everyone says you look great in), and go get a sandwich. Flirt with other guys, let the world know you're available for dates with Good Guys and block what's-his-name's phone number.
- Bro Jo