Dear Bro Jo,

I am 21 and am madly in love with my boyfriend. Imagining life without him is rather painful, but there are some things I'm confused about that have been on my mind.

I used to have some "mild" chastity problems with masturbation. I say "mild" because I never advanced to anything (details withheld), but I know that even that is beyond what I should've been doing.

I suffered for it (boy, did I suffer), I repented, and now I feel like an amazing new person; I truly feel forgiven and I haven't had a problem with it since, even in the slightest of ways, I'm not even tempted.

But I never told anyone.

I've never felt the need to (again, I really do feel forgiven and it feels amazing), but I'm wondering if this is something I should tell my BF or if it really isn't necessary.

Should I tell him?

On a related note... We are pretty serious and as such we do engage in passionate kissing, but oddly enough I never feel aroused.

I love him, and I love kissing (and hugging and cuddling) him, but still...I read on your blog about people who get a little too aroused but I get nothing.

I know before I repented I would have, but now holding off until marriage seems so matter-of-fact to me it's like disobeying the law of chastity isn't even physically an option. Waiting is just how it is and that's how it's going to be.

At first I thought this was a good thing, but now I'm wondering...is that a bad thing?

If I love him so much, shouldn't it be hard to keep off of him?

Shouldn't I be tempted to go further than what's right?

Why don't I?

Sorry if these are weird questions, but I don't know what to do!

Signed,

- Am I Weird?




Dear Bro Jo,

Disregard the second part of that if you would...I'm still curious about my first question though.

Thanks!

- Am I Weird?




Dear Sister,

No. I don't see any point in telling him. It's a past sin that's been repented of, has no bearing on your current or future relationship, and right now he's only your "boyfriend".

If at some point in the future, when you're much closer to engagement, you feel PROMPTED to share your story with him, then I say follow that prompting. (He should be asking questions at that point along those lines, especially if he's been reading "Bro Jo's LIST of STUFF YOU NEED to KNOW BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED".)

But not now.

And for your "second questions", which I'm going to answer anyway, I'd say that not being tempted to violate the law of chastity is a blessing, not a concern.

Loving someone doesn't mean that you can't keep your hands off them . . . just so you know.

And I wouldn't worried about "being aroused"; the way you describe how you feel about kissing and hugging him, I think you're aroused enough.

- Bro Jo

How Does She Start Over?

Dear Bro Jo Hi,

Just been reading your blog and I'm after some advice.

My parents are both converts but I was brought up in the Church. I haven't always been active.

I started to get mixed up with the wrong crowd, drink, boys etc.. Long story short, I started having sex, with many different boys.

After a while my parents found out; they were so disappointed as you can imagine.

I realized what I did was wrong and I made an appointment to speak with the branch president. I started the process of repentance and tried to make my life better.

A few months later I moved away for work. There was a guy there...

We started getting along and one thing led to another.  I had sex with him.

Months later I fell pregnant.

Unknown to me, at that point of me falling pregnant, my boyfriend was seeing another girl behind my back.

The girl he was seeing was also pregnant, (not his baby though, somebody else's) so I decided I was going to tell my parents and hopefully move back home with them.

I was too afraid to tell my parents I was pregnant so I rang my dad’s mate who I asked to tell them.

Luckily enough, my parents were quite supportive and came to pick me up and take me home with them. 

Months later I had my daughter.

Her dad doesn't want anything to do with her so I'm bringing her up as a single parent.

I am slowly trying to rebuild my life and get back into Church but I won't lie, it's very hard!!

I'm just after a bit of advice as to going back to Church, relationships with guys now I am a mum etc... 

Thanks,

Single-mum




Dear Mum,

It matters where we've been, but it matters much more where we are now.

The most important things in your life should be your relationships with your Savior and your family; those things are forever.

Some people at Church may not be as welcoming and Christian as they should be, but most will.

Find some Good, Supportive Church friends that won't judge you for your past transgressions, but will love, sustain and encourage you as you move forward.

And be very careful not to rush into any more relationships, sexual or otherwise.

Eventually you'll find a Good Man who will love, honor and cherish you; he'll be a worthy priesthood holder and a faithful eternal companion.

He may not be an Adonis, but he'll have all of the qualities that really matter. He'll love and respect you, and you'll know that because he won't even consider having sex with you until you're married.

Remember that "no man will love a woman he doesn't respect, and you can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves".

When we chose to have sex outside of the commitments of marriage, we lose our self-respect and the respect of the person we're involved with (even if they're "professing their love").

If you want such a man in your life, you'll need to be patient.

Slow down your romances.

Take a breath.

And put your child first. 

When you think you might have found a great guy, be sure he passes the tests of Bro Jo's "Five A's of Why NOT to Marry That Person and Bro Jo’s "LIST of STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED

The road you're traveling has bumps and turns, but the blessings along the way will be huge.

As the Spirit more regularly comes into your life, as you mend your relationship with God, you'll know joy, real joy, often.

No one's life is easy, and you're not alone.

The destination is worth the hardships along the way.

I promise.

And I'm proud of you!  It's hard to pick up and start over in the face of certain scrutiny and adversity . . . but in that adversity the Lord Blesses us.  Don't Give Up!

Hang in there!

Don't let the negative opinions and "judgement" of others keep you from the Joy of The Lord.  Show your love of the Savior through your service to others.  Let your light shine through the darkness!

I promise that your daughter will be grateful for your hard work and commitment to her and to Christ.

God bless,

- Bro Jo

Cheesy Wednesdays: Epic Dating Fail?

Dear bro Jo,

Don't you think if a girl wants to go on dates, she should go on dates when asked?

Here's the story:

Once upon 4 weeks ago, Cheese went to visit her friend Mac for a couple weeks. They had lots of fun and went on lots of dates. One of these dates was with the Reubenator. He is all that and a bag of chips--smart, funny, energetic, strong testimony, pleasant, courteous, yada yada yada. Cheese had tons of fun with him, but did not fall in love because she recently learned relationships are bad for 16 year old young ladies.

Fast forward to last night. Mac got a call from... You guessed it... The Reubenator. Asking her to go to a movie on a Casual Group Date.

So what do you think my dear friend did?

A) Go on the date with the lad,

B) Choose to hang out with girlfriends,

or C) Stay home and watch Pride and Prejudice all alone?

You're right! She chose C!

In a move of shocking stupidity she chose to stay home and fantasize about Mr, Darcy while simultaneously texting me complaining of her need for more romance in her life.

Later that night the poor Reubenator posted on Facebook about going to see Spider Man ALL ALONE!

I have advised Mac that if she wants to go on more dates she should go on dates when asked by nice guys. 

Do you think I should also advise her to take the Reubenator a big plate of fresh baked goodies to apologize for her breathtaking idiocy?

Love,

Cheese Herself




Dear Cheesy,

You're absolutely right: how can a girl who complains about not getting enough dates turn down a great guy when he asks?

It makes me wonder if there's something more to her refusal . . . (Maybe this date wasn't a well-planned Casual Group Date - after all, he posted that he went by himself; where was everybody else?  Maybe Mac needed a "dating break" after all those dates partnered with you . . . or maybe she's worried about falling into the same situations that have lead you to discover that "relationships are bad for 16-year old young ladies" . . .)

Anyway, yes, I think she should have gone. (Assuming none of the other things I mentioned are true.) Plate of cookies?

Hmmm . . .

Yes. I think that would be wise.   That and a note along the lines of "thank you for asking me, sorry I couldn't go, I hope you'll ask again some time.

She needs to repair the bridge lest she find herself continuously left on Prince Edward Island alone.  (I figured since we were mixing stories, I'd add an apropos one of my own.)

 - Bro Jo