Hi, it's me, New Girl.
It's been a few months since I've emailed you, so I'm not quite as “new" here anymore. I've really enjoyed being here and finding opportunities to meet new people.
For a little while I was feeling like I was doing a good job in meeting guys, but I still wasn't really getting asked out on dates. Then suddenly I go to a party, and 2 different guys asked me for my number and ask me on dates.
Well, that was almost 2 months ago, and I'm happy to say that I really like one of those guys and things have been progressing very well!
Here is where my question comes. So this guy and I live 30 minutes away from each other, so we don't really see each other as often as I want to, but we have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week for a little over a month. We talk every single day, and we've already held hands and kissed. The problem is that we haven't really defined our relationship.
Neither of us is going on dates with other people, and we've told each other how much we like each other and how much we enjoy spending time together. I guess I'm just confused why he hasn't brought up "the talk" to make things more official. In my mind, when I kiss someone, it means something to me and I feel like kissing is more of a commitment of being in a relationship.
When I kissed him, I assumed we would have the talk shortly after. I know there are guys out there that kiss out of lust, but I don't feel like he is that way. Because of conversations we've had, I know that's not the case.
So my question is, do you think I should just continue to let things happen how they are and let him bring up the talk when he is ready, or should I say something?
My family thinks that since things are going well, and we are still enjoying being together, that I should just wait and let him bring it up. I think I just feel confused because kissing to me means commitment, and I want to call him my boyfriend.
And I've had another guy ask me on a date, and I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to say.
I feel like not being official is keeping me from getting to know him on a more personal level and finding out what kind of guy he is.
Do my concerns make any sense?
Do I just need to listen to my family, and continue to be patient?
I've been good about being patient so far, but I don't know how long to let it go on like this before something should happen.
Can you please shed some light on my situation??
Thank you so much!
- New Girl
Dear New Girl,
It's not like you've brought up "the talk" either, right? (FYI - Sister Jo and I were discussing this - the obsession some YSAs seem to have with the "NEED" for a DTR conversation - and we realized that we, she and I, have never had that conversation.)
If you have questions, ask him.
IMHO, two months and a little kissing does not make the DTR an urgent requirement. Further, it seems like you're both spending all of your dating time together and really getting along, so in a lot of ways I think "why bother? it seems like you already have your answer".
See, DTRs are for when you have No Clue what's going on; or, perhaps more accurately, when you sense that things are not progressing or there is a problem.
Sometimes I think we wreck things by pushing too soon or being to formal too early. Relax. Enjoy. Talk.
Now I think the occasion of being asked out by another guy is a great opportunity for you to communicate with the guy you're seeing. You could tell him that someone asked you out and see how he feels about that... how would he have liked you to respond?
But I think the more important question is to you: did you want to go out with that other guy or not?
How you answer will tell you how You feel about this relationship, and That's probably what You need to be communicating to your boyfriend.
- Bro Jo