Dear Bro Jo,
I think you're right about me trying too hard. And I don't think it's really related to where I am or being new here. I think I have always had this problem and I'm not completely sure why. I think there are a few reasons that may add to it. I don't know if you are familiar with the color code at all but I might be able to explain my personality that way. I talked to you about how I'm shy. You are probably thinking that I don't seem very shy from what I've told you. But it's true, I have a very white personality, so I tend to be laid back and keep to myself and it's easier not to talk to people because it is scary. I know that is a bad thing, especially in a new place, so I really try to push myself so I don't fall back into white mode. Then the other part of my personality is very blue. I guess you could say the hopeless romantic type. I come from a family of blues and I kind of saw my older brother have a lot of the same problems with dating that I am having. Desperate to be in love, and then we try too hard. My brother ended up finding someone that was also blue, so finally it worked out for him. Haha it sounds like I have multiple personality disorder or something. I know when it comes to dating I probably try too hard, but I can't seem to help it. When I try to control myself, I sink back into white mode. I really need to find a healthy medium!
I think another factor in my behavior is that I see all these other cute girls that are the super flirty type, and they can get any guy they want. Sometimes I feel like I have to be in competition or be
more like them to get guys to be interested in me. The end result is me trying too hard. I know that sounds awful, but too often I feel like dating is too much of a game, and I really don't like it.
What do I do? I know I have a problem, but I am not really sure how to fix it. I feel like I am lacking faith in knowing that Heavenly Father will help me find the right one eventually. That's probably why I tried so hard to keep my last relationship going when things were going bad.
It really has been great having a cousin of the opposite sex to go to things with. For some reason he doesn't really like the people in our ward. He thinks a lot of them are clickish and stuck up. So I have
been alone in trying to meet people in the ward for myself and I have been trying to help him meet them too. But he does have a lot of friends in other wards in our stake that I've been able to meet
through him. How exactly would he go about getting other guys to ask me on dates?
It feels like I have been in this "new place" for a really long time, but it's only been 3 weeks! Therefore I need to calm down a little. I just need to be reminded sometimes :)
- New Girl
Dear New Girl,
So hopefully now that a little more time has passed you've settled in a bit.
Going on the occasional group date may be okay, but make it rare. Find that balance between Dating with a Purpose and taking Dating Too Seriously.
Yes, when a guy asks a girl out it's 95% likely that it's because he's attracted to her, but there's a HUGE gap between "I like you and would like to take you on a date to get to know you better" and "please be the mother of my eternal children".
HUGE gap.
Best,
- Bro Jo
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