Commitment Issues - Part 1 of 3

[Dear Readers,

Sister Jo and I have been discussing what we see as a sad trend among young people in the Church:  Young Single Adults, men and women, giving up on wonderful relationships with wonderful people, sometimes not even giving these relationships much of a chance to start at all.

It happens for several different reasons.  

We know that modern media has clouded and confused the definitions of love and infatuation; that the prevalence of Social Media and Electronic Communication is crushing meaningful connections and real conversations; and that Satan is working very hard to lead our young people away from eternal relationships with one of his greatest tools:  fear.

Rather than take the risk and do the hard work that a Good Eternal Marriage requires (and reaping the blessings that come from all of that) excuses are made, worldly distractions and ambitions take over, and . . . well . . . like I said . . . opportunities are lost.  Or, rather, thrown away.

Enjoy this week's series!

- Bro Jo]





Dear Bro Jo,

Hi!

I love your blog and all of the insight on dating!

Anyways: I need help. I have no clue how to fix this. Trust me: I've tried so hard before!

I am a 20 year old female and I will admit that I have some HORRENDOUS commitment issues!

I have no problem getting dates, I have no problem finding wonderful young men to go on dates with. BUT a guy could be wonderful, respectable, fun, brilliant... You name it but as soon I as I getting even an inkling that he likes me I distance myself. I get nervous.

I unintentionally mess things up. It's really hard because I could really like the guy back but I have this strange fear that if I settle down too fast I'm going to miss out on something or I'll be unhappy with whichever choice I make.

I don't know what to do! I have such issues that I try to avoid dating altogether because I really don't want to crush anyone's feelings.

It's not that I don't want to get married or anything, because I really do! I'm having a really hard time with this and I'm at a complete loss. How do I get over this overwhelming commitment issue?

Thank you!

- Name Withheld





Dear NW,

I struggle with those psycho-babble phrases that are so common today . . . like "commitment issues".
I don't know . . . maybe it's because the word "issues" drives me crazy . . . it's as if we use the phrase to keep from saying what our problem really is . . .

Are you telling me that there are guys you dated in the past that you really liked and WANTED to be in a committed relationship with but you dumped them anyway?

Are you using "commitment issues" to explain why you sometimes act goofy around guys you like?

Is there one guy in particular?

Can you be more specific about what you've done?  Perhaps describing a situation or two?

What prompted you to write at 12:30 in the morning?  Did a date just go badly?  Are you lonely?

When you say that you mess things up what do you mean?  How?  Why?

And, perhaps most importantly, what is it that you're afraid of???

And why?

Is it intimacy?  Affection?  Being vulnerable?  Trust?

Why do you think that you are this way?

And, if it really bothers you, why haven't you changed it?

Is it possible that, as great as these guys may or may not be, you're looking for a quality that they don't have?

- Bro Jo