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Monday, January 23, 2012

If He Has a Girlfriend, Why is He Flirting with You?

Dear Bro Jo,

First off, I would like to say thank you so much for your column! It helps me so much! I really appreciate it, and love it!

Well, as you probably have guessed I do have a question... but first a little background. I'm a few months shy of seventeen; and there's this guy (BTW he is seventeen). I like him and we're friends, not close friends, but friends nonetheless. I am 90% sure that he also likes me, because we do talk quite often.

Also, I am really close with his family- his mom is my seminary teacher and his dad is my bishop. Therefore, I wanted him to ask me on a casual group date. So, I was planning on using one of your "Dear Bro Jo's HOW a GIRL GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE". But then, I found out he has a gf. So I was a little confused at why he talked and flirted with me and such. But after reading on of your columns, I came to the conclusion that I'm his back-up plan. So I was just wondering what does the back-up plan do in a situation like this?

Nothing, just move on and stop flirting, right?

Thanks so much for your help in advance :)


One of the 20%

Dear One,

You could talk to him.

"Hey, so we seem to get along pretty well, we flirt all the time, and I'm over here thinking that at some point you'll ask me on a Casual Group Date, and then I found out that you have a girlfriend - which, by the way, seems odd because I figure you're smart enough to realize that's a bad idea at 17 - and, anyway, I'm just curious, am I some kind of 'back-up plan', or do you really intend to take me out sometime?"

Once you hear from him where he stands, then you'll know what to do.

Now, one more thing: if your goal is to take the girlfriend's place . . . that's not the right thing to do. You should be going out on Casual Group Dates with lots of different guys, not focusing on just one.

Thank you for the kind words,

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks so much! Will do! Man, that was so obvious. haha And, no, I'm not planning to singe date until I get out of highschool. :)

- One


Peter & Molly said...

I'd be a little skeptical of how she found out he has a gf. Most people don't understand Casual Group Dates, and if he's so friendly with the writer, he's probably just as friendly with many other women, which could easily be misinterpreted by many as him having a gf.

Cheese (of "Mac and...") said...

Does it concern you a little that she says she doesn't plan to single date until she gets out of high school? There's a difference between single dating and being in a boyfriend-girlfriend "relationship." I have lots of friends who say they are bf/gf but don't single date! BOTH should wait until after high school!

Anonymous said...

I'm curious what Bro Jo would say about a similar situation in the YSA world...

Dave Johnston said...

@ Cheese - It doesn't concern me. She says she's NOT going to Single Date until after high school. I agree with that.

@ Anonymous - I wouldn't say anything different. If some other girl's boyfriend is hitting on you, even as YSA's, you should ask him why.

- Bro Jo