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Friday, January 20, 2012

When Someone Vanishes Out of Your Life

Dear Bro. Jo,

I hope this gets to you, I've read your blog, but I don't know how to get different life scenarios to you...so I hope this is it and here's my situation(I have a couple):

1. There's this guy. We'll call him Austin for confidentiality's sake.

We have lifetime activities together. He is a sophomore and I’m a Jr. He's exactly 11 months younger. We started talking and became really good friends. We would always be each other’s partners in activates we were doing. I would take him home on the days that I drove so he wouldn’t have to walk. We went and got an ice-cream cone after school one day. Just sat there talking. Then we went to lunch one day (we never went on a date...he's 15). We could just talk.

One time I took him cookies at his house and we just talked in the car for a while. He's not the greatest kid. And I know he has issues. His parents got divorced. But got re-married. Dad committed suicide. Went and lived with his mom. Mom divorced. Got re-married and had a kid. (In short) And I think he has trusting issues.

He did trust me with all that. And I thought that we could really trust each other. Like I could just talk to him, and trust him with things I couldn't anyone else. (I have trusting issues...no reason like he does but...it never really came up while talking to him) Then all of the sudden, he would not talk to me. Look at me. Be my partner. Nothing!

I was really bummed. I was an idiot and sent him a (long) text. Basically saying/asking if he wants to be my friend, because he wasn't acting like one.

He said no, he doesn't want to be my friend. He asked why I wanted to be his. I gave him a list of reasons, and asked why he doesn't want to be mine. He wouldn't tell me why. No reason no nothing. I was SUPER bummed.

I'm grateful for his honesty, but it really sucks to be honest here. Now it's extremely awkward in class. Then this past weekend, on Saturday he called my home phone 5 times at 7:30 a.m. woke me up finally. Then when I really woke up for good. I texted him and asked why he called. He called my home phone again, my dad answered, he said sorry, he had the wrong number.

So I told him to stop calling if he wasn't going to talk. Don't know how he got my number. But I really want to be his friend. I don't know what to do. If he's struggling with something or he just doesn't like me or want to be my friend. I don't know whether to push it and help him? Or lay off because he thinks I'm annoying? But...I miss him, his smile and laugh, his comments...I don't know.

After this Thursday I doubt I'll see him again because our class will be over. (This happened to me last year; a guy told me he didn't want to be my friend) I don't know why, or what's wrong with me. I've prayed about it like crazy. No answer what so ever.

Which I don't understand because why would Heavenly Father take away such a good friend? There's nothing wrong with having a friend is there? I've also asked my brother on a mission. And I'm still clue-less as of what to do. I just wish I knew where he (Austin) stood. Please help with any suggestions. I'm open to anything and will appreciate all comments... (:

Thank you -

Troubled



Dear Troubled,

I'm sorry your bummed, but once you've communicated how you feel and he's communicated how he feels, that's all you can do. Don't confuse "not getting the answer we want" with "not getting an answer". Heavenly Father always gives answers, but it's on His time-table, not ours. Plus, often what we think is a "non-answer" IS the answer.


When I was just a little older than you are now, I had something similar happen. I had a date planned one summer evening with a girl from work that I had dated a few times before. She no-showed for our date. In fact, I never saw her again.

I called. I wrote a letter (that I hand delivered to her house and gave to her mom - remmember, this is before email, texting and Facebook).

Nothing.

No explanation.

No call.

She even quit work.

To this day it still bothers me a little.

Not that I'd ever give up what I have now, but not knowing what happened can eat at you for a while. Did I do something wrong between the time she smiled and said she was excited for out date and the date itself? I can't imagine what. Should I have done or said something different? I have no idea.

And I'll never know.

And that's weird.

All we can do when someone we care about chooses to drop out of our lives is let them go.

It stinks.

But we move on.

The only other advice I can give you is that, at least until you graduate high school, hold off on the heavy relationships (and let's not pretend, that's what this was, even if you never officially "dated" and nothing physical ever happened).

Here's to new friends,

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you so much (: Your right, that is all I can do...unfortunately.

And I'm sorry about the girl who backed out...that stinks: / Haha, but I do promise that it wasn't a relationship....just a friendship (:

Here is to new friends...hopefully!

And thanks again, I really appreciate it.

-Not as much troubled



Dear Not-as-much,

But that's the point: it WAS a relationship.

Glad you're less troubled.

And don’t worry about the girl – things have worked out pretty well.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Nancy said...

Thank you so much for this! I've kind of been going through the same situation. It was something I needed to hear.