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Friday, January 13, 2012

Why He Might Not Feel Like Dating - Part 2

Dear Bro. Jo,

First off, thank you for taking the time to read my letter, let alone reply to it. Then again I suppose you’re in the business of responding to youth in need to advice, So I suppose a "great job!" is in order.

I understand where you're coming from. I mean I do call these people brother and sisters, so I do see how they would want to give me this knowledge and experience that they have worked live time to gather. I shouldn't be so critical of them and just accept that for as long as humans have had mouths, they have had opinions and advice to pass down to the next generation.

I'm a cosmetologist by trade, so I more or less work solely with women on an everyday basis. I'm very good at what I do ( If I do say so myself ) so it’s not really I’m surrounded with desperate women, I think most of them mistake our conversations as, I dunno, having a real connection as opposed to just small talk as I cut and fix hair.

While I must admit, I have had some very determined ladies ask and re-ask me out, more often than not I'm dealing with super fun clients who want to buy me a drink after work, but once they find out I'm LDS they decide they want to buy me coffee, and once I tell them that's not good either, She will most likely ( in my experience ) want to go for a walk instead.

And I fully understand. I mean we live in a culture where it’s almost the normal to degrade women and not give them the ability to think or to feel. The world forces on them roles that are less than amazing for these beautiful creatures. The second a man ask them how they are doing, or wants to know how her day went, I think something clicks on a psychological level that says

“ this guy isn't going to hit me, AND he wants to know how my day is!? “ and I think from that point a pseudo romance is built.

I think my problem through my career, I've more or less been forced to look at women in the role of client not lover ( if lover is too strong of a word your blog, feel free to remove it and replace it with anything you choose) I have trouble noticing a girls nice smile and the funny jokes she tells when I can clearly see her hair needs to be trimmed and her color touched up. I guess the main point I’m saying here I think maybe romance is dead to me because I let me career kill it.

I've tried to serve mission my friend, and I wasn't allowed due to health reasons. I have a pretty aggressive lung problem that the details of which I'm sure would bore you and your kind readers to death. Long story short, I'll be super blessed to make it to thirty. I have to go to a treatment every few days, and I'm by far the youngest name on the treatment list.

I think that’s also an underlining wall to my lack of dates. I view it as how fair would it be for me to meet this great girl, go get sealed, and then die on her. Leaving her in alone in her youth. I wouldn't even have time to get to know the girl, let alone make some sort of connection that would suffice us an entirety of companionship. So I figure “why bother”.

But I hold the utmost respect for those Elders and Sisters who are blessed enough to serve missions. Those lucky few and Veterans are the only few I ever give free haircuts to.

So what do I do now Bother, now that my situation is a little bit more complex that I first let on?

Warmest regards,

- Happy Being Alone

PS: As always, feel free to edit and alter as you see fit.

Dear Happy,

My advice?

1. Don't date clients.

2. When women ask you out, tell them "I'm an Old Fashioned kind of guy; when I go out on dates I like to do the asking".

3. Be happy with who you are and where you are. Understand that people mean well, so accept their input politely; nod, smile and say thank you. Then go about your life.

4. Keep dating, but on your own terms. Date who you want, when you want, but keep looking.

5. As you're looking, work hard to look past the superficial stuff. Try seeing that wonderful-but-in-need-of-a-cut-and-color woman not as someone desperately in need of a makeover, but as someone who as a daughter of God has a lot to offer, is beautiful in her own way. Who knows? Maybe you'll fall for a woman who finds you doing her hair as the most romantic thing ever . . .

Lots of us go through a period of time when we're pretty disillusioned with the opposite sex. Be patient. This too shall pass.

- Bro Jo

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