Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Getting Some Distance

Hey there Bro Jo,

Could you give me a synopsis of why it is guys and girls can't just be friends? Or just attach a hyperlink to an email where I would be able to find one of your blogging articles? I've looked through all this year’s responses on Facebook and I can't find it. Also, it would really help to make a point that I'm trying to prove to a girl.

-- Distancing Myself



Dear Distancing,

Facebook has dropped all of the Discussion pages - pretty frustrating - but if you go to the blog page (http://www.dearbrojo.blogspot.com) you see a list of tags on the left hand side. "Guys and Girls as 'Just Close Friends'" is one of the biggest.

You can also search topics through all of the posts by typing a word or phrase in the Google Search tool, also on the left hand side.

I'm not certain what point you're trying to prove . . . particularly given your signature . . . but Good Luck!

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Okay, I can see your point. Let me fill you in. This girl and I had been going on dates, with a date between our dates with someone else, and in double dates, since march. At the end of august she decided that she didn't want any contact with me, which was understandable considering that I was in a bad place spiritually of which I have since repented. I believe that it was because of this that I treated her rudely. This wasn't even exclusively directed to her either. My family unfortunately felt the impact of my self-destruction. I'm pretty sure you understand given all the people who write in to you. So you can see why her decision was understandable.

I apologized in person, she forgave me, and started texting me again. . . I know, you're probably thinking this friendship is real shallow because it’s mostly through text, but she lives an hour away no matter how fast you drive. Anyway, fast forward to last week. Monday, I think it was. We were texting back and forth and I felt as confused as I was when I took out my endowment. So I asked her, ''Why are you still texting me?'' She could say, you know, ''Go jump off a cliff'' or something along those lines and I would understand why. Her answer, though, was, and I quote, ''Because I still care for you, a lot.''

Now you may or may not notice that I emailed you a couple weeks ago asking you about how to present the church in a better light and told you about my mission to Brazil, and while all that is still true, in the meantime I'm going insane. This girl texts me at least once a week and wants to know how my life is going, what's new, etc, etc. Between these episodes I can manage to think about other things; school, work, sports, appointments. But then I can't stop thinking about her. I think she wants to just ''be friends'' because that’s what she said about two weeks before the above mentioned quote, but that the above mentioned really threw me for a loop.

So I guess what I'm trying to ask is; do you think this girl keeps on texting me because she would be open to a relationship after my mission? Or genuinely wants to be just friends?

If the latter it would be best my both of us to just move on. And by move on I mean not talk to each other unless at the same activity; and by doing so, distance myself from her and she from me.


-Distancing (maybe)



Dear Distancing,

Regardless of what she wants now or later you should move on. Focus on the Mish, my man, and don't give this girl or this situation any more thought until you come home, and even then only if she's still single (and, by the way, I'll bet she won't be).

Girls don't get the "Men Can't Stay 'Just Close Friends' with Women" thing because, well . . . let's just say that they don't think like we do and many of them can't imagine why we think the way we do. See, girls can spend lots of time with some guy they're not into at all, so they just don't get that we'd never spend that kind of time unless we were attracted to them.

AND girls don't understand that once it's over we really don't want to be "friends" (or "just friends forever") anymore. No guy wants to hear about how hot his ex-girlfriend thinks her new boyfriend is.

And, for the record, when Girls become Women they understand what I'm talking about.

Move on, sailor. Move on.

- Bro Jo

No comments: