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Saturday, June 24, 2017

What If You're Too Shy to Get Dates? - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo,

Well, I know what my friends will tell me. I never talk about guys with them because I don't want them to think I'm desperate or that I just don't get dates because no one asks me (which is true, but I don't need to tell them that).

But WHEN I DO talk with a friend about some guy I think is cute but I don't know how to become friends with them, my friend will always tell me that I am too shy.

I had a friend telling me once that my problem is that I don't compete with girls. For example, when I like a guy and I see that he has other girls interested in him, I don't try to catch his attention. I just accept it and become disappointed that he didn't notice me. I understand how it is a problem; however, if I see she has more chances with him than I do, why should I try anything?

Also, I'm a bit childish. I'm still one of those girls who develop crushes in guys inside of class because they are cute, or funny, or they seem like a very nice person, but they are not my friend. I don't know how to approach them in this situation either. I always think that if someone wants to talk with me, they will come and talk with me. If they don't and I try talking with them for whatever reason, I feel like it doesn't work out very well.

Reading this now, it sounds a lot like I'm socially awkward. Maybe I am a little bit, but I try to pretend I'm not. :D

My friends tell me that I have to change the way I am (or the way I act around guys and flirt) so I can attract more people, but that's not very easy. I tried and I still try, but it's not like I have a switch button in my brain.

- Too Shy

Dear Shy,

"Knowing" what your friends will say and actually asking them are two different things.

And you don't have to ask a room full of friends; just one or two close trusted ones.

I don't believe in "too shy".  I think learning how to talk to someone, how to ask them about them, how to show genuine interest, are all valuable skills that everyone needs to learn to develop.  You don't have to be the type of person that's the "life of the party" to get to know people better so that they're comfortable enough with you to ask you on dates.

Who cares if some other girl seems like she has a "better chance"?  What if he likes you more!  What if you're the kind of sweet, quiet, kindhearted girl he's been looking for and he never gets to meet you because you don't give either of you a chance?

You don't have to become someone else.  Just be the best you you can be, and give people a chance to find out how great you are.

- Bro Jo

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