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Friday, October 5, 2018

Understanding a Breakup

Hi Bro Jo,

I need some advice on a break up and I couldn't figure out who to talk to about this, so I figured I'd send you an email to get an outside, unbiased opinion.

I was dating a guy for not too long and last night he decided to call me and tell me that he just wants to be friends. I told me that he was still attracted to me, was the most unique girl he'd ever met, and still liked me, felt connected to me emotionally and spiritually and physically, but he has liked girls more in past relationships. He told me that I was a girl that every guy was looking for and that when the right guy came along at the right time, that things will work out.

This guy also suffers from bipolar disorder and told me that he doesn't deserve to be happy and it wasn't in the cards for him to be happy. He also told me that he isn't ready for marriage for various reasons and knew that I wanted to be in a relationship that was progressing toward marriage and he didn't want me to waste my time waiting on him.

I guess I'm just trying to sort out why he really broke up with me. Was it because he really wasn't into me, or was it because he was scared of committing and couldn't bring himself to commit to a relationship?

I'm heartbroken obviously and I've done a lot of crying and replaying of everything that had happened. I feel like an idiot for trying to work things out with him despite him telling me beforehand that he didn't feel ready for marriage. Guess I thought I could change that.

Anyways, any advice or ideas about why he may have broken up with me and even advice on how to move on from this and not be scared of getting my hear broken again would be greatly appreciated.


- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Lucky you!

My world is full of people who would love to have even been in a relationship at all . . . so I guess there's that.

I just read your email (keeping it anonymous) to my living room full of my YSA and Young Married Jo Kids.  They all said the same things I had planned to say to you.

1.  What a sad email!

2.  That guy is a total loser!

3.  She's lucky she got out of that relationship when she did!

I get that you like the guy . . . but he really does seem like he's not a very good guy.  What he said to you is awful, and if he doesn't want to stay in a relationship with you he can't be very bright.  Plus one needs to be . . . very . . . cautious . . . about getting into a relationship with someone who has major psychological problems . . . real OR imagined.

Time will heal this wound.

Be willing to go out with any non-murderer that asks (hoping that makes you smile), and as Sister Jo says, being of service helps us feel better.  So do that, too!

- Bro Jo

*** One Year Later ***

Dear Bro Jo,

It's been about a year and I never responded to your email! Figured I would thank you for your thoughts and update you on things.

That break up was difficult and it took a little time to get over it, but I did get over it. Once I got past feeling hurt, I realized how right you were. What he said was awful and I was lucky to get out of that relationship. I can see now why it was a huge blessing to not be in that relationship anymore.

I took your advice and tried doing more service and I went out with any non-murderer that asked (definitely got a big smile out of that one!). I went on several dates that never really went anywhere, but I had lots of fun.

One guy in particular asked me out and I wasn't really that interested, but I went anyways (I mean he was a non-murderer so I had to go!). We ended up hitting it off and spent hours and hours just talking on that first date. We are now engaged and getting married in the (Location Withheld) Temple in March!

If I had stayed in that past relationship, I know I would have been unhappy and I wouldn't have met my fiance. Because of that relationship, I learned what I wanted in a spouse and I found those things and more in my fiance. Thank you for your kind words and advice from almost a year ago.

Also as a side note,  your list of stuff you need to know before you get engaged was extremely helpful! It was a great resource to refer to when we wanted to talk about the big and important things. There was stuff on there we would not have thought of on our own.

Thanks again for your advice and for your blog!

- NW

Dear NW,

What a wonderful email to get to read today!

Very happy for you.  Thank you for your kind words and positive outlook.

Oh . . . and . . .CONGRATULATIONS!


- Bro Jo

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