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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Telling Him You're Not Interested

Dear Bro Jo,

If I go on a date with a guy though and he is nice but I just don't see him that way than if he asks me on a second date what is the best most polite way of saying that I am just not interested in him like that?

I don't want to lead a guy on if it’s not going to go anywhere.

- Too Nice

Dear Nice,

Unless a guy is scary or creepy, so long as he's willing to plan, pick up and pay, I think he deserves at least 2-3 dates. If at that point you honestly feel he's a waste of your time, or that you're wasting his, the polite, right and honorable thing to do is to tell him.

Be nice. Be honest. And be clear.

(We guys need things to be very clear.)

Tell him the next time he asks you out (being the third or fourth time) that you thank him for asking you out, but you don't see the two of you as a good match, you're going to focus on dating other people, and he should as well.

And that's it. No embellishment. Keep it simple and business like.

Just be sure that you're burning a bridge you never want to cross again.

- Bro Jo


Peter & Molly said...

For all of the hoopla that we give to the importance of dating in courtship, first dates are a pretty awful way to determine someone's compatibility with you. That's not to say we shouldn't have them, but the only use of a first date is to get to a second date. On first dates people are nervous, over rehearsed, awkward, but it has nothing to do with who they are, it's just the nature of first dates. If you dislike someone after a first date by all means don't make yourself miserable, but I usually hear people say things like, "Well I gave him/her a chance, we went on a date, and I still don't feel anything, so no use wasting my time," you'll miss out on a lot of good potential people hoping to feel magic on a first date.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with being direct, open and honest... But I think that three or four dates is a lot to go out with some casually. If I've gone out on three or four dates, I feel like there should be some kissing happening (or at least kissing should be thought about) and I wouldn't want to kiss someone who I wasn't interested in dating exclusively. I'm a 25-year old engaged RM - My fiance kissed me on our fourth date and that was it for me!