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Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Is It Wrong for a 20-year Old Man to Like a 17-year Old Girl in High School?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a bit of a dilemma. I have come to you for advice before and it worked out very well for me. So I will thank you for that!

Okay, so here is the story. I met this LDS girl when at an athletic competition when I was 17. She was from another school that was just a few miles down the road and she was a member of my stake. I think she recognized me from a stake dance because she knew my name (although I had no idea who she was) and she came up to me after the competition had finished and introduced herself and congratulated me on my performance. We talked for a minute or two and she asked for my cell number and of course I gave it to her.

So I came to find out that she was only 14. And I was 17 (turning 18 in a few months), but she was turning 15 soon I tried to talk to her on a minimal and friendly basis because of the age difference. By the way, I was a Junior in high school at the time because I went to school a year later than I was supposed to.

Sorry my story seems to ramble so much, I am not good at focusing my thoughts.

So anyway, she would text me occasionally or chat with me on Facebook and I was always just kind of nice and just asked her about school and everyday stuff. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea and at this time, especially since I was going to be, by the law's view, an adult and she was only 15. And I didn't really have any feelings for her or anything like that.

Now I know you will protest this and say I did, but I honestly didn't.

About a year later, I saw her at a dance and she looked beautiful and something just kind of kicked in me. So I asked her to dance. And I kind of developed a crush on her. I was a Senior in high school and an 18 year old (about to be 19) and she was now 16. I know a three year difference isn't great, but I thought since we were both still in High School, that is might still be okay to have an attraction to her.

So here is my first question: Is that okay?

I know if I was out of high school it would be totally unacceptable. But still being in high school, does that change things?

Here is the second part. Since I developed my attraction to her, I started texting more and flirting a little, and after while we were texting pretty regularly. Then, I graduated and moved away from home to work and I thought that it might not be a good idea to keep flirting and having a pseudo-relationship with a girl who was still in high school, especially since I was planning on a mission.

Although, I did ask her if she wanted to write me.

I started working on my mission papers while I was working. Since I turned 19 during high school, I was little behind the schedule on going. But I was excited to finally get started with my papers. While doing the physical exam, some health issues came up and it was determined it wouldn't be a good idea for me to serve a mission. I don't feel the need to share the details because it is personal and I don't think everyone needs to know.

Anyway, I was devastated.

And needless to say I am not going on a mission, but I am a worthy Melchizedek priesthood holder and I am a very active in my Elders Quorum and in my inability to go on a real mission, my Bishop called me to be a Ward Missionary.

So here is the last the last part. I am almost 20. She will be 17.

At this point, I have backed off the texting. She suggested that we email in each other twice a month and we just talk about daily happenings and casual stuff. I try not to flirt, although it happens occasional. I am still attracted to her, but I know that a 20 year old and a 17 year old is creepy. And I don't want to be that. I am a good guy.

But next year, she will be 18 and graduating. If we just keep it friendly in our emails until then, do you think it is okay for us to keep talking until I can take her on a date.

Do you think it is okay for me to continue talking to her?

What do you think about the whole situation in general?

I know you will be straight with me and I really appreciate because the other people I have tried to talk to haven't been.


 - Age Dilemma

Dear Age Dilemma,

Yes, you're too old to be dating a 17-year old girl in High School.  Yes, it's creepy.

And, yes, you can keep talking to her.

Keep being a Good Guy, and that means dating girls your own age and encouraging her to go on Casual Group Dates.

Don't offer to take her to Prom or any other date-like situation.  Too weird.

When she's 18 AND graduated, if you're not seeing anyone, then by all means ask her out.

Nothing wrong with 18 and 21.

- Bro Jo


Unknown said...

Have to laugh at the notion that 20-17 is creepy but 21-18 is perfectly fine.

Bro Jo said...

Funny but true.
Do you understand why?
Bro Jo