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Monday, July 24, 2017

Should They Put Off the Wedding Until Summer?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have been dating my RM boyfriend for over a year.

We both were in previous relationships that were  long and not very healthy so we were on the same page when it came to taking things slow. It took us 9 months to say the L word. It took us a year to talk about marriage -- that was in the summer.

We aren't engaged but we're trying to figure out a wedding date.

My boyfriend wants to wait until the end of the school year (end of April) because it's less stress with exams and homework and more time to save money.

I'm having a hard time waiting and the end of April seems so far away.

I know this something that we both need to pray about and is our decision in the end, but I really could use some expert advice. In your opinion do you think it's a good idea to wait until the summer or should we just get married on a random weekend?

- Marriage Hungry

Dear Hungry,

IN GENERAL ... I think a year is long enough to know whether or not a relationship is going somewhere. .. and IN GENERAL. .. I believe in short engagements, meaning 3 months or less ...

But two things about your relationship are clear:

1.  It IS going somewhere very positive.

2.  You are NOT YET engaged.

Six months is not too long to wait for an Eternal Marriage.

IF you both agree, and feel strongly, and neither is forcing the other to move a little too fast because one of you is being impatient. .. then getting married "on a random weekend" between now and the end of the semester is fine ...

BUT, (and that's a BIG BUT ), it sounds to me like you're being both irrational and impatient.
Yes, as the semester ticks on you may both need to work at fighting the temptations that keep us out of the Temple (no late nights, no alone time on the sofa or in the car, and stuff like that can help) but you'll be glad you waited and stayed worthy.

Lastly, in modern times one must be considerate of those they intend to invite to their wedding, especially their immediate family.

As you two settle on wedding locations (it's a personal pet peeve of mine when couples pass by several perfectly good Temples because they mistakenly treat the sealing like a Destination Wedding, totally missing the point) and sealing dates, remember that those that should attend have jobs and lives and responsibilities.

For example, we've told the Jo Kids that it would be wrong for their families to drive past a dozen great Temples simply because someone "has always dreamed of getting sealed at Manti" and that scheduling a sealing for the same weekend a younger sibling has their high school graduation, mission farewell, or state championship competition is a great way to drive a wall between them and that sibling.

Some things are set on dates that we have little or no control over, and I think that should be considered when scheduling something that one has LOTS of control over.

So Be Patient.

And Be Considerate.

And, above all, enjoy!

- Bro Jo

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