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Friday, September 23, 2011

Don't Rush to Serious Single Dating While You're Still Casual Group Dating Age

Dear Bro Jo,


I messaged you before about whether or not I should say yes to the "bad boy" prom date... Well I've got another boy question!

I know your opinion is that girls shouldn't call boys.... But I have a special situation!

I was working on Friday, and a really cute guy pulled through the drive through. When I gave him his change back, he gave me his business card and said "This is for you." I said thanks, stuck it in my pocket, and went back to work. After I got home, I decided to check out the website on the card. Turns out he's pretty much the coolest, most inspirational kid ever.. and he's famous! He's been in a Wheelchair since he was little, and he's pretty talented on that wheelchair around the skate park! I checked out his Facebook, and he had EFY pictures up so he's (most likely) LDS!

So here's my problem.. I have no clue if by giving me the business card he was saying "call me" or "I want you to be aware of kids with disabilities."

I'd love to get to know this kid better.. But I really don't know what to do! Advice please?

- Another Whiny Girl Who Probably Has the Answer Right In Front of Her

Dear Probably,

Let me ask you, what do you think the answer is?

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Sorry this took so long to reply!

I thought about it, and since he DID made the first move by giving me his card, I decided to send him a message via email.

I said something like "Hey! You gave me your card the other night at Del Taco! I decided to check out your website.. you seem really cool!" I figured then he had a way to contact me if he wanted, but it wasn't like I was making any moves.

He replied, and it went back and forth for a few emails before he asked for my number.

Eventually he asked me on a date! I didn't even have to use any of your ways to get guys to ask you on dates! (They really work by the way.. I've tried out most of them!)

It took a few weeks for the date to actually happen since he's a pretty busy kid, but we finally went on a date this weekend! :) It turned out to be really fun!

Another quick question!

My parents seem genuinely worried that I DON'T have a boyfriend. Every time I get home from a date, they ask "Well are you going to date him?" or "Did you kiss him?" It's really frustrating that they automatically assume that EVERY guy I go on a date with is my "boyfriend". They (mainly my dad) can't seem to wrap their heads around the idea of casual group dating. (Possibly because they never did any casual group dating of their own in high school.. They were dating each other.) And they're shocked that I don't do more kissing!

Now that I'm 18, it's getting worse. My parents pretty much bring up marriage every single day. They were married fresh out of high school, so why shouldn't I be? Honestly, I am sooo not ready for eternal commitment! I'm still in High School! It seems like everyone is pushing me towards single dating! Even my bishop suggested that I try out singles ward.

I guess I'm at that iffy in-between stage.. and I can't decide which side of the line to be on! I'm older than everyone in high school, (late birthday) so I'm the same age as all of my friends that are ready to hop into the YSA world.. and everyone's waiting for me to join them!

So I guess my question is... Should I try out singles ward and open the door for the opportunity for "real" dating, or should I stick with what I'm comfortable with til after graduation?
I've heard it both ways! So what do you think?

- Probably

Dear Probably,

Well first of all let me tell you that I was excited to hear about your date and I really appreciate hearing the "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date" stuff has worked for you.

It's not my place to disagree with parents, but I'm not going to tell an 18-year old girl that she should have a boyfriend and do more kissing, either. And I'm not going to tell someone your age that she should run out and get married or do dating stuff that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Besides, as far as your parents wanting to talk to you about your dates and inquire about your physical activities, I'm not sure they mean to pressure you. When you love someone it's natural to want them to be happy, and we tend to think that what makes (or has made) us happy will make them happy, too. Add to that a parent's desire to be a part of their children's lives, and you should expect (and be grateful for) your parents asking you about your love life.

Keep Casual Group Dating. Don't rush to the Singles Ward. The time for that and Serious Single Dating will come soon enough.

- Bro Jo

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