Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at

Monday, September 5, 2011

He's Desperate for a Second Date - Part 8

[Readers - What follows is the next letter in a series of emails between myself and "Desperate".  He's frustrated that his dating life isn't going the way he hopes it will.  If you'd like to read the previous letters, I posted parts 1-5 starting on June 20, 2011.  Click HERE to jump there.  I'll post a new letter in this series the first Monday of each month.  Please feel free to comment; I only ask that you be sensitive and sincere.  - Bro Jo]

Dear D,

So . . . tomorrow we run part 7 of our conversations. There have been lots of comments. What have you taken away from them and this experience?

Something struck me in your last correspondence. You said "no engagements yet" . . .

Funny, but I think that sums up everything I (and everyone else) have been trying to say.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm so sorry! Please forgive me for not writing back.

In my last e-mail, I said that I was going to take a break from dating... and that's what I have done. I haven't asked for a date in almost 2 months and it has been great! Remembering what you said about not pushing so hard, I've just gone out and had a good time. I've rediscovered the joy that comes in forgetting about myself. Since I've stopped stressing over my dating disappointments, my church service has developed strongly. I've focused on people in my ward that I can help in some small way, and that has been wonderful. Some of my friends have remarked that I seem calmer and less frustrated with things. My professional life has never been better! I'm in line for a promotion at work and I am far less anxious each day I'm there.

All of these blessings I can attribute to my decision to stop worrying over things I can't control. There are several hundred LDS girls in my area, 95% of whom are not interested in me, and nothing I can do will ever change that. The other 5% I've dated already and realized that things won't work out. While I may start dating again, it's not on the cards at the moment.

As to what I've taken away from the comments? I've gained a greater testimony of relying upon Christ. He has experienced every pain and disappointment, and I know that through Him I will be lifted up at the last day. Whatever opinions people might have of me, they mean nothing compared to what the Lord thinks of me. He sees me as a glorious being, filled with endless potential. Most importantly, I must be happy with myself. And I am!

Although your counsel hasn't been ultimately successful, it has still been a blessing to have come across your blog. And I LOVE the happy stories that others share. They inspire to be worthy of and ready for more great opportunities.

I'll let you know if anything changes.

Kind regards

- No longer disappointed

Dear No Longer,

I'm glad you're happy.

I'm not certain you followed anything I suggested . . . exactly. I suggested to stop pushing . . . not to swear off dating entirely. As I know you know, life is about balance; when the pendulum swings back the other way, don't let it swing back quite so far.

Remember, "we only lose when we quit".

With best wishes for your continued joy,

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

No offense to "Desperate", but I really think he could stand to shift his perspective. I'm glad that he's feeling happier and living what seems to be a more fulfilling life. However, if he's wanting to be single for the rest of his mortal life, he is off to a really good start. Is he even listening to himself? Several hundred girls in the area and 95% are uninterested, based upon the 5% he's been rejected by? I mean, I know that those statistics seem realistic at times, but when we really take time to think about it, we all know that's so untrue.

Pres. Packer once said, "Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out." I don't think that it would be too much of a stretch to substitute the word "day" for "date". I know that when we are just about ready to give up on something, blessings are right around the corner. I really hope "Desperate" or "No longer disappointed" wakes up and realizes that.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes people just don't want to be told that they are wrong. I think this is one of those cases. Poor guy doesn't understand.

K. T. said...

I think a little break from dating was probably a good idea. BUT if he ever wants to get married, he should probably get back to dating.