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Monday, October 21, 2013

When a Date Doesn't Happen - Part 1


Was this girl asked out?

What do you think happened?

Part 2 will publish next week.

- Bro Jo]

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey Bro Jo, maybe you can help me out with a real problem this time instead of a fictional one ;)

So, I've been actively going to Singles Ward and "FHE" in the hopes that maybe I can get some dating experience since I have none...

Unfortunately most of the guys are already actively dating other girls, and most of them outside of the ward. 

So oh well, I'll just keep going and meeting new people and so on...

Enter regional skating activity.

I go but it's awkward because everybody's either hanging out with their own little cliques or else they're eating foods I'm allergic to (and I was starving, so I couldn't get myself to hang out with them lol).

I skate around on my own for a little bit and then sit down to adjust my straps and I happen to sit in front of a table of people playing the "Magic" card game which I am familiar with.

I’m quiet and don’t like to approach people I don’t know, especially if they seem busy...but I was bored and lonely so I finally said “screw it” and jumped in as if I had been there all along.

One thing led to another and I wound up playing with them!

I had never met any of these guys since they go to a different Singles ward about 90 minutes away, but I had a blast and ended up beating them all with the deck they lent me :)

One of the guys, the one that was trying desperately to get me to play with them since I was hesitant, pulled out his phone and friended me on Facebook right then and there!

Over the next couple of days we were messaging each other over Facebook which eventually grew too troublesome and advanced to texting each other.

Then he said he wanted to take me to a Sci-Fi Museum.

I totally flipped out on him because I had no idea such a thing existed and he texted me back with "I take it that's a yes?"

I said "of course", but I wasn't really sure if it was a date so I asked him how much it would cost and he answered with a "don't worry about that, silly!"

I asked if he was sure, and he said "yes".

I thought to myself...hmmm...The guy's paying, and it's just the two of us...that's a date, right?

But I still wasn't sure so I started asking around and everybody seemed to find it completely obvious that it was, in fact, a date.

It was unanimous and I asked about 7 people, so I assumed they were right... I was so excited!

I finally got a date!

I told my friends and asked them for advice on what to wear.

He and I started texting pretty much every time he was on a break from work and that got me even more excited. It was going to be great!

My first date!

And then he cancelled.

Because of the holidays his work schedule was bumped up to 50+ hours/week and he couldn't take me to the museum after all. And because we live so far away and the museum is another hour past him (starting at my place), and I don't have a car yet, I can't go over there until I can get a ride with one of my sisters on their way to a dentist appointment which isn't going to happen again until after the holidays.

So he said he could have a friend take me.

Here's where things get messy and I'm pretty sure I made myself look like a desperate moron...

And I've kind of developed a crush on this guy over the course of our texting so that doesn't help...

When I got that text (the one saying he could have a friend take me) I was trying to think of ways I could get over there without catching a ride when he was free, wishing desperately that he would offer to come get me (even though I know that wouldn't be fair since it'd be a zigzagging 3-4 hour trip for him one way).

Since I was distracted, sick, and tired I totally read it wrong and thought he meant he had a friend in my area that could give me a ride to him. I got excited again.

"Really?" I asked first, and then realized...he means without him, doesn't he?

So I texted him again and said "Wait, how so?" and he texted back with "what do you mean how so?"...

I didn't know what to say.

What I meant by "how so" was "are you suggesting I go on a date with your friend instead of you?" but obviously nobody could have deciphered that from those two words...I gave up and just told him I didn't know what I meant because I was sick and delusional...

I then told him that there was no guarantee I'd be better by then anyway.

 Here's where I think he may have figured out what I meant by my "how so" although I'm not too sure...I got three texts in a row.

1. what

2. wait

3. we could wait until after the holidays if you're up to it

I told him I'd do whatever he wanted and he told me he was busy for the rest of the month so I said that we'd just have to wait and see what the next month brings then and he agreed.

Now I don't know what to think...

I guess what I want to know is: Was it going to be a date, or wasn't it?

What did he mean when he said a friend could take me?

Did he just feel bad because I was so excited and then he had to cancel?

Did I blow any chances of going out with him when I first accepted to go without him, even though I changed my mind?

I now realize that instead of "how so" I should've asked "without you?" to show that I'm interested in more than just the museum, but it's too late now...

But do you think he figured it out? 

Heck, I don't even know if he was ever interested in me in the first place.

I'm 20 and he's 26, maybe that's too big of a gap for him and he just thinks of me as the excited little sister or something...

Hopefully you can forgive the fact that I practically wrote you a novel just for that...

I didn't want to leave anything out in case something that I didn't think was important turned out to be important :) I just don’t know any guys I’m comfortable with that I can ask these questions to and I really think I need a guy’s opinion...

So, in the words of Leia, “you’re my only hope!”

Now please point out how thick I’m being...

- C

Dear C,


Okay . . . here we go!

1. You're not being thick.

2. I think it was going to be a date, I think it didn't work out, and I think he's an idiot for not trying harder. 

3. Oh, he's interested . . . but like most guys he's not as smart or motivated about this stuff as he should be. 

4. All is not lost. I usually don't suggest that girls "make the first move", but as I see it, you have one more play you can make, one more text you can send to see if you can clue this guy in.

Text him something like this: "So, I wrote this Online LDS Dating Advice Guy about how you asked me on a date and it fell apart and how I was really hoping we'd go out and how bummed I was that it didn't work out and how now I'm worried that you don't want to date me anymore and he said that I should text you and tell you that if you don't try a little harder to take me on a date soon you'll be making a huge mistake, and that I should text you and tell you so."

And send it.

If he doesn't respond right away and try to fix this situation, then we'll all know he's an idiot and you can move on.

I'm praying he's not an idiot.

Good luck! 

(And let me know how it goes!)

- Bro Jo

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